Momento Mori, France

If only French Eurovision entries could be as entertaining as their politics nowadays.

The French were really on to something last year, with Amir being the most delightful, genuine and talented artist representing the once so great Eurovision nation in years. Arguably, the only thing that kept us from ending up in Paris instead of Kyiv this year was the French’s usual habit of messing up their staging.

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Hottest Eurovision male 2017

Time to decide what really matters in this year’s competition: Who is the hottest bloke?

The jury has had a difficult time, as usual. The careful selection process involved a lot of vodka, fighting over basic female rights and rather serious investigations into whether or not the candidates have been to Crimea. We decided to listen to Latvia and draw the line somewhere, so we agreed candidates young enough to be the parents of our grandchildren were not allowed. But we welcome Bulgaria, Australia and Ireland to try again when their artists are out of high school.

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Yup, Ukraine Will Definitely Bomb This Year

We have a feeling Ukraine is not very keen on winning again for the second year running. We can’t think of any other plausible explanation for letting O.Torvald defend the title on home turf.

Ever since Ukraine’s debut they’ve been a perennial contender, ending up in the top 10 most years, and not just because of bloc voting and an eager diaspora strategically scattered across Europe. Killer tunes, excellent performers and a knack for staging their entries have served them well.

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