Semi final 1 – awards of the evening

Australia is a little bit outside of the rest of Europe. Makes perfect sense. Pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU
Yay, tonight was fabulous, regardless of the fact that Finland and Iceland didn’t qualify. But let’s just blame that on Vladmir Putin for now. The arena is smaller than last year, and that makes it more fun for the audience. And that gives us quite a few awards to hand out:

Best jacket buttoning of the evening: Sweden’s Robin. We are so proud of you for managing to button your jacket all by yourself, darling.

Best superpower eyes of the evening: Australia’s Isaiah. If anyone tries to do anything scary in or around Eurovision, just let Isaiah have a look at them, We assure you, they’ll all turn nice in a second.

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What we noticed in the dress rehearsal for semi final 1

– Did you hear the GEE girls are finally in Kyiv? Do the happy dance! Pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU

Yay, we are officially installed in the press center, where great things have happened, aka the first dress rehearsal for the first semi final. We decided to ditch the jury final for this one as it crashes with the party of our dearly beloved Israel and a carefully planned meeting with a movie producer from Hollywood. But we’ll give you the highlights from the first one, as seen in the press center.

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Like Swiss clockwork

We’re staying true to our traditions and open this season’s reviews with Switzerland. Hurrah! And surprise, surprise, the Swiss are being equally predictable by sending off the usual mediocre semi-final filler for yet another year. At least they’re being as consistent as their own clockwork.

We were cautiously optimistic when we heard that Timebelle would compete in the national final again. We liked their first attempt at representing Switzerland two years ago and the quirky pop number Singing About Love would probably saved the Swiss from finishing dead last in Vienna. Unfortunately since then the group has changed direction, lost a couple of band members and gone all serious and gloomy on us. Gone are the playful happy go lucky girl next door, the chirpy accordion and the clunky guitars. It’s been replaced by a slicker, more mature sound, and Apollo is a rather repetitive and pathos filled mid-tempo ballad. Continue reading

Breaking news: 17 more songs should have been disqualified by the EBU

– In Norway we never ever ever do anything wrong. That’s why it’s so disappointing when we lose to people who do. But at least I was photographed by Andres Putting/EBU

Attention! We who sign this article call upon the EBU and Jon Oh-la-la Sand to take action! In this exclusive article, we can now reveal that almost all of the countries in Norway’s semi final plus one more broke the rules in various ways. We can reveal that EBU does not take its own rules seriously and is quickly making Eurovision a place of lawlessness. If they had reacted in the right way, Norway’s Agnete would have sailed through to the final in her Arctic Icebreaker. And we all know she probably would have won.

This is outrageous beyond words and we now demand that around 10 – 20 countries must be banned from participating in ESC next year. We have launched several petitions on and will most definitely have a word with EBU as soon as signatures start flooding in.

Read this truly shocking list and weep: Continue reading

The final evening – awards of excellence

Jamala Andres Putting.jpg
Yaşlığıma toyalmadım! Repeat that three times. Pic by Andres Putting/EBU
Wow, that was a fantastic final night! Not only did we manage to get on TV twice, but it was also one of the best shows we have ever seen in front of a stage! And then Ukraine had us all fooled and went ahead and won the whole thing in the most exciting voting process ever!

We started wearing cotton again and struggle to not reach Post Eurovision Depression Syndrom yet, but it is kind of hard as we are already back in Norway and here they entered that days ago. Nonetheless. We have quite a few awards to hand out:

Best start of a final evening: The great Thomas G:Son himself, suddenly taking a seat by our dinner table in a friendly neighbourhood restaurant in Stockholm. He might of course have been waiting there for us to show up for days, but we choose to believe it was a coincidence, which is less embarrassing. He hinted at Ukraine winning and even made Schlagerboys like guitars, which now makes us think he has divine powers.

Worst we-really-will-do-anything-to-get-on-tv moment: Us cheering for the rubbish Austrian entry, as a camera man was preparing audience filming close by and we desperately needed to show our faces to our mums at home. We have no integrity left now, but then we didn’t have so much to begin with. And at least we also showed the Georgian flag to 200 million viewers.

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What we noticed in the jury final

Cyprus Anna Vellkova
– Oh, just marching for peace in the Nagorno-Karabakh area. Those Armenian and Azeri contestants are two fine ladies, after all. Pic by Anna Vellkova/EBU

The jury final just ended and we have been watching it in the press center like proper journalists. Although the stuck up Swedes made us sit in the fan area like not so proper journalists, but you know, they did the same with Ralph Siegel.

The jury final is the second last dress rehearsal, but also the one that is broadcasted to the juries for them to allocate their points. Unless they choose to broadcast it on Periscope instead, that is. We have summed it up for you:

Belgium: Don’t worry if you, like us, have a tendency to show up a little late in the arena. This is easily missed.

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Semi final 2: awards of the evening

We do not have a flag. We repeat, that is not a weapon of mass destruction. Pic by no one from EBU. We hope.

Yay, that was one FABULOUS semi final. We are still high on Georgia or a naked Måns Zelmerlöw with woolf or vodka shots or all of the above, but we have a few awards to hand out, nonetheless.

Biggest cheer in the arena: The crowd during and after Australia’s performance. What a great idea of EBU to move Australia to Europe. It really saves us a lot of travelling time, so we’re considering spending New Year’s Eve in Sydney next year.

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Our 10 qualifiers from the second semi-final in Stockholm

switzerland first rehearsal semi final ebu anna velikova
Quick, someone get the bloody fire extinguisher! Pic by EBU/Anna Velikova

As we are just starting to recover from the first semi final we find out that there’s another one? With 18 more songs? Holyshmoly, we think we just died and went to Eurovision heaven! Here are the lucky 10 WE want to see through to the Grand Final. Please be a darling and do not confuse our ramblings with a real attempt of actually predicting who qualifies. Everybody should know by now that we are completely clueless most of the time anyway. Click on the countries to read our reviews! Continue reading

First semi-finals. Awards of the evening

Go Douwe! And the lot! Pic by someone with a blurry camera.

Yay, that was a fabulous first semi-final last night. We had the Hungarian, Cypriot and Dutch flag, and we didn’t get rid of any, so there’s still a lot of ironing work for Saturday, which we’ll happily do.

Here be our awards of the evening:

Best effort made on stage since Joy Fleming: Hungary’s Freddie, doing a fantastic job all over his entrecote. We find it is a much better idea to build up your entry with your voice than climbing around in the props like Bob the Builder, Moscow edition.

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Our 10 qualifiers from the first semi-final in Stockholm

moldova first dress rehearsal ebu andres putting
Chișinău, we have a problem. Tinfoil man is in trouble back there. Image EBU/Andres Putting

Hurrah! The first semi-final is only hours away, and it is time for us to settle on the 10 entries we would like to see qualify for the Grand Final. As always, this is in no way a prediction as such, so don’t place your bets according to our ramblings. This is simply the 10 songs we like the most out of the 18 still in the running. The list has been compiled and settled upon among the two of us after a string of shouty rows at Euroclub and in the press center, Bosnia & Herzegovina style. Click on the countries to read our reviews! Continue reading