Thank you for the party and here be the awards of the Norwegian jury

Dressing up and cheering like crazy for Norway in the press center when there are hundreds of journalists present. Always the best way to get ourselves on TV. PIc by TV 2
This day was inevitable: Eurovision is over. Lisbon has gone South. We have started wearing cotton again, our hair is all flat, we haven’t been interviewed by a single journalist for 24 hours, we listened to music that was not representing a country, we read a newspaper article that wasn’t about a country’s contestant in Eurovision and there is not a dishy head of press in sight to provide us with lovely boys to chat with.
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What we noticed in the jury final for the grand final 2018

We hate to be stating the obvious, but you are finished. Don’t you know vampires should stay away from the sun? (pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU)

Yay, we are at the press center watching the jury final before tomorrow’s Grand Final. This is, as many of you know, the dress rehearsal with a live audience upon which all the juries votes for tomorrow are based, so it matters a lot how the artists are doing at this very moment. Fuckups have been known to happen before and we have been known to report them. This is what we noticed: Continue reading

Final remarks after the final

It was a pity Andres Putting wasn’t around to take our picture, but we did our best in iPhone blue.
Time to face the facts: Eurovision season is over. We have again started wearing cotton and going to sleep before midnight, there is not a cheesy Georgian bread in sight and no journalist has contacted us for a comment all day. All that is left are tons of good memories and our gelnails, that apparently never go away. Should have googled this before entering that nail salon in Kyiv, but at least pink and turquoise is in fashion.

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Some thoughts before the grand final

When we discovered the mask didn’t work, we decided to make use of the second largest Norwegian symbol: Our flag. Pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU

Hooray, it’s the national day of all fans: The day of the Eurovision final! As always it is a day of conflicted emotions, as it is also the last day of two weeks of fabulous celebration and partying with amazing artists and fans from all over Europe and Australia. And we have to leave the fantastic city of Kyiv tomorrow, which will be like leaving the newfound love of our lives. Also, we think the hunky guys at the fabulous Druzi café will miss us coming in every morning to cure our carefully crafted hangover with two eggs and an avocado smoothie and more black coffee than any Ukrainian has ever been able to order in one day.

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The final evening – awards of excellence

Jamala Andres Putting.jpg
Yaşlığıma toyalmadım! Repeat that three times. Pic by Andres Putting/EBU
Wow, that was a fantastic final night! Not only did we manage to get on TV twice, but it was also one of the best shows we have ever seen in front of a stage! And then Ukraine had us all fooled and went ahead and won the whole thing in the most exciting voting process ever!

We started wearing cotton again and struggle to not reach Post Eurovision Depression Syndrom yet, but it is kind of hard as we are already back in Norway and here they entered that days ago. Nonetheless. We have quite a few awards to hand out:

Best start of a final evening: The great Thomas G:Son himself, suddenly taking a seat by our dinner table in a friendly neighbourhood restaurant in Stockholm. He might of course have been waiting there for us to show up for days, but we choose to believe it was a coincidence, which is less embarrassing. He hinted at Ukraine winning and even made Schlagerboys like guitars, which now makes us think he has divine powers.

Worst we-really-will-do-anything-to-get-on-tv moment: Us cheering for the rubbish Austrian entry, as a camera man was preparing audience filming close by and we desperately needed to show our faces to our mums at home. We have no integrity left now, but then we didn’t have so much to begin with. And at least we also showed the Georgian flag to 200 million viewers.

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What we noticed in the jury final

Cyprus Anna Vellkova
– Oh, just marching for peace in the Nagorno-Karabakh area. Those Armenian and Azeri contestants are two fine ladies, after all. Pic by Anna Vellkova/EBU

The jury final just ended and we have been watching it in the press center like proper journalists. Although the stuck up Swedes made us sit in the fan area like not so proper journalists, but you know, they did the same with Ralph Siegel.

The jury final is the second last dress rehearsal, but also the one that is broadcasted to the juries for them to allocate their points. Unless they choose to broadcast it on Periscope instead, that is. We have summed it up for you:

Belgium: Don’t worry if you, like us, have a tendency to show up a little late in the arena. This is easily missed.

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Grand Final 2015: Voting Guide

“Oh, no! Now I really have to pee!” Good thing she has a giant roll of toilet paper under her frock then.

Hurrah, with bells on! The Grand Final is only hours away, and we’re ironing our Italian flags this very moment. Here’s our guide to help you cast your votes tonight, and go easy on the bubbles until Italy has had the chance to sing. Have a blast, y’all!

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Where’s the kitchen sink, Spain?

We want to congratulate Edurne from Spain for just having confirmed the most common prejudice held against WAGs: they have too much money and precious little taste.

This ginormous turkey of a song has been over-hyped from the very beginning, and the prefix over can be added to just about every word to describe it. Over-produced, over-performed, overrated, over-the-top, you name it. It’s a vulgar display of every worn out cliché in the book and surprise, surprise, you will find a certain lank haired Swede lurking around backstage. Goodness gracious us, we dare not to think about what it will be like some 20 years down the line when Thomas G:son has been relegated to writing songs for San Marino.

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Final night: She truly is unstoppable! And so are we! We think!

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Yay, fabulous view to The Green Room

This is where we  start being melodramatic. We mean, we have just experienced a fantastic week of Eurovision extravaganza, we got a winner we could only dream of and a fantastic celebration of it all and suddenly we find ourselves dressed in cotton on our own filthy sofa without a Maltese knight in sight? Not cool at all.

Europe changed a little last night. Who would have known everyone from Italy to Georgia to Sweden could vote for the bearded diva CONCHITA WURST? We believe in humanity again now. Her thank you speech pretty much sums it up:

This night is dedicated to everyone who believes in a future of peace and freedom. You know who you are. We are unity. And we are UNSTOPPABLE!

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