We Give Up On You, UK

Just to make one thing clear, if the UK ends up doing as badly as usual this year it is NOT because of Brexit.

It must be nice to have something to blame, but as long as the Brits keep telling themselves that they are doomed and will never score as well as they deserve in Eurovision there’s not much hope for improvement anytime soon. Perhaps a long hard gaze into their own navel should be called for instead of pointing the finger at mean neighbors.

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The Big 5 + Sweden reviews

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No funny comment here, we just needed an excuse to post a picture of this fabulous bloke. Pic by EBU/Thomas Hanses

With all the Nordic countries relegated in the semi finals we can at least take comfort in Sweden being directly qualified as the host country. Now we know who to send all those friendly neighbor votes to! Then we have the Big 5 countries that can’t be bothered to actually go the trouble of qualifying so they pop up rather unexpectedly in the Grand Final. At the very least a couple of them sent a cracking tune this year! Here are our reviews, nicely lined up for you:

 

You are alone, UK

There are a lot of things we simply don’t get about UK’s participation in Eurovision over the past few years. Like how the BBC insists on sending the LEAST experienced artists they could possibly manage to pick up from a pool of talent show rejects. Or alternatively, some random geriatric hasbeen they almost have to wheelchair on stage. Finding some sort of middle ground here would probably been perfectly acceptable, and could not by any means have done any worse.

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Eurovision – What to expect when expecting

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Tis the season to be jolly! O come, all ye faithful. And have yourself a merry little Eurovision season!

We can’t wait to start tearing apart all those entries and reporting live from the audience for you, but sadly there are very few chosen ones yet. A few songs will be rendered a thousand times still. And then there is the need to do a recess and have a look at what has been going on the last couple of months. Here’s some of the gossip, predictions and prayers and hopes for you:

Great things could happen in Hungary

So, we closed our eyes for a minute and made a wish. That one day Hungary would bring us a good looking, well behaved bloke with a voice and song to match. Turns out his name is Freddie. Which is short for Fehérvári Gábor Alfréd and a synonym for pretty perfect. He hasn’t conquered his national final yet, but there is no chance he wouldn’t, right? Meet us in Stockholm, baby, we’ll mess around.

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Congrats, Freddie! You just won the pre-qualification round for this year’s hotlist.

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Just another UK election

Remember The Scatman? After a long and much appreciated leave of absence he is discovered in the British Isles:

The British tend to elect the wrong people these days, no doubt about that. That’s why we were quite surprised when Electro Velvet showed up in Eurovision and a) were not a useless boyband and b) did not wear less clothes than Kim Kardashian on the beach and c) did not look like anyone that used to be famous for a while, not even like Bonnie Tyler. Bliss.

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The Big 5 + Denmark

It rains A LOT in Costa del Sol! Thanks Ruth for giving us yet another reason for NOT going there for our upcoming summer holiday.

During the Jury Final last night all of a sudden a few acts we couldn’t remember from before popped up. We almost forgot that paying your way straight to the final is also an option; only someone forgot to tell Russia and Azerbaijan about it yet. Here are our reviews of the Big 5 and the host country! Continue reading

Grand final: Fun facts and what to expect

Romania
“In the beautiful, Norwegian village of Bryne you can find a piano like this in every home”

Yay, the grand final is rapidly approaching in Copenhagen! We just watched the jury final, and here’s a heads up on what to expect:

1.Ukraine: Tick-Tock sung by Mariya Yaremchuk

Struggles to impress us with a man in a hamster wheel. That’s nothing but a nice try when Greece has THREE men on a TRAMPOLINE.

2.Belarus: Cheesecake sung by Teo

Thank God the final at least has one song about cakes. Claims to not be Patrick Swayze, which is great as he never would be able to lift us anyway.

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What planet are you on, UK?

There’s quite a bit of positive buzz surrounding the British entry this year. Just the fact that it’s the first UK contestant in years the Beeb hasn’t dragged out of a retirement home might have something to do with it. People (read Eurovision fans) seem genuinely surprised by UK’s rather contemporary song and fresh performer. Knowing we’re talking about the same country that gave us The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Smiths, etc., etc., that’s just sad. But let’s not digress into the usual ramblings.

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A man without our love

Dear God. If we promise to not crucify Jesus this year, could you please hand that Eurovisional green card to someone else than UK?

Ok, so we get it. UK is ahead of trends. Our population is aging. And Azerbaijan doesn’t have much to offer to those young, hot boys this year anyways as the gay crowd tends to boycott those who boycott them (and bless them for that). Better to keep those eye candies at home then and show the Azers just how stuck in history they really are. Continue reading