Our Verdict: Jury Final 2019

– We’re already three people here. The last thing we need is a camera man joining us (Photo by: Andres Putting)

The Grand Final is shaping up to be real corker of a show, chuck full of favorites in the first half, and come to think of it, the second half as well. Moreover, the national broadcaster here has been considerate enough to add a number of technical glitches and f*ck-ups which of course adds to the excitement.

Tonight is a big night where the jury will cast their votes, Italy will most likely once again do something to ruin their chances of winning, and we are of course in the Press Center to report about it. Buckle up!

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What we noticed in the jury final for the grand final 2018

We hate to be stating the obvious, but you are finished. Don’t you know vampires should stay away from the sun? (pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU)

Yay, we are at the press center watching the jury final before tomorrow’s Grand Final. This is, as many of you know, the dress rehearsal with a live audience upon which all the juries votes for tomorrow are based, so it matters a lot how the artists are doing at this very moment. Fuckups have been known to happen before and we have been known to report them. This is what we noticed: Continue reading

The Big 5 + Portugal Reviews 2018

– Hey, Ermal, the GEE ladies are to the left. (Photo by: Andres Putting/EBU)

The Big 5 are looking quite strong this year, well except from the UK and Spain obviously. Quite unexpectedly we do not think that neither Spain nor Germany will finish last this year, so it’s awfully nice of the UK to take over. Here’s our Big 5 and host country’s reviews nicely lined up for you: Continue reading

We Give Up On You, UK

Just to make one thing clear, if the UK ends up doing as badly as usual this year it is NOT because of Brexit.

It must be nice to have something to blame, but as long as the Brits keep telling themselves that they are doomed and will never score as well as they deserve in Eurovision there’s not much hope for improvement anytime soon. Perhaps a long hard gaze into their own navel should be called for instead of pointing the finger at mean neighbors.

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The Big 5 + Sweden reviews

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No funny comment here, we just needed an excuse to post a picture of this fabulous bloke. Pic by EBU/Thomas Hanses

With all the Nordic countries relegated in the semi finals we can at least take comfort in Sweden being directly qualified as the host country. Now we know who to send all those friendly neighbor votes to! Then we have the Big 5 countries that can’t be bothered to actually go the trouble of qualifying so they pop up rather unexpectedly in the Grand Final. At the very least a couple of them sent a cracking tune this year! Here are our reviews, nicely lined up for you:

 

You are alone, UK

There are a lot of things we simply don’t get about UK’s participation in Eurovision over the past few years. Like how the BBC insists on sending the LEAST experienced artists they could possibly manage to pick up from a pool of talent show rejects. Or alternatively, some random geriatric hasbeen they almost have to wheelchair on stage. Finding some sort of middle ground here would probably been perfectly acceptable, and could not by any means have done any worse.

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Eurovision – What to expect when expecting

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Tis the season to be jolly! O come, all ye faithful. And have yourself a merry little Eurovision season!

We can’t wait to start tearing apart all those entries and reporting live from the audience for you, but sadly there are very few chosen ones yet. A few songs will be rendered a thousand times still. And then there is the need to do a recess and have a look at what has been going on the last couple of months. Here’s some of the gossip, predictions and prayers and hopes for you:

Great things could happen in Hungary

So, we closed our eyes for a minute and made a wish. That one day Hungary would bring us a good looking, well behaved bloke with a voice and song to match. Turns out his name is Freddie. Which is short for Fehérvári Gábor Alfréd and a synonym for pretty perfect. He hasn’t conquered his national final yet, but there is no chance he wouldn’t, right? Meet us in Stockholm, baby, we’ll mess around.

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Congrats, Freddie! You just won the pre-qualification round for this year’s hotlist.

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Just another UK election

Remember The Scatman? After a long and much appreciated leave of absence he is discovered in the British Isles:

The British tend to elect the wrong people these days, no doubt about that. That’s why we were quite surprised when Electro Velvet showed up in Eurovision and a) were not a useless boyband and b) did not wear less clothes than Kim Kardashian on the beach and c) did not look like anyone that used to be famous for a while, not even like Bonnie Tyler. Bliss.

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