The Big 5 + Sweden reviews

france rehearsal ebu thomas hanses
No funny comment here, we just needed an excuse to post a picture of this fabulous bloke. Pic by EBU/Thomas Hanses

With all the Nordic countries relegated in the semi finals we can at least take comfort in Sweden being directly qualified as the host country. Now we know who to send all those friendly neighbor votes to! Then we have the Big 5 countries that can’t be bothered to actually go the trouble of qualifying so they pop up rather unexpectedly in the Grand Final. At the very least a couple of them sent a cracking tune this year! Here are our reviews, nicely lined up for you:

 

Our night: Dining with our favorite schlagerboys, hooking up with our favorite artists and dancing with Helena Paparizou

Hooray and then some, we just refueled on mexican food and remembered we had a fabulous time yesterday!

We started our day in the press center, where we attended Latvia‘s and Poland‘s press conference. Michal Szpak looked great in his David Bowie sweater. We even got to ask him a question, which was such a sad excuse for trying to get ourselves on tv. But he told us his his soul was red and that he also liked Guri’s blue top, which was mostly white. And he said he wanted to touch us in the semi final, which is more than we ever dared to hope for.

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Where’s the kitchen sink, Spain?

We want to congratulate Edurne from Spain for just having confirmed the most common prejudice held against WAGs: they have too much money and precious little taste.

This ginormous turkey of a song has been over-hyped from the very beginning, and the prefix over can be added to just about every word to describe it. Over-produced, over-performed, overrated, over-the-top, you name it. It’s a vulgar display of every worn out cliché in the book and surprise, surprise, you will find a certain lank haired Swede lurking around backstage. Goodness gracious us, we dare not to think about what it will be like some 20 years down the line when Thomas G:son has been relegated to writing songs for San Marino.

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The Big 5 + Denmark

It rains A LOT in Costa del Sol! Thanks Ruth for giving us yet another reason for NOT going there for our upcoming summer holiday.

During the Jury Final last night all of a sudden a few acts we couldn’t remember from before popped up. We almost forgot that paying your way straight to the final is also an option; only someone forgot to tell Russia and Azerbaijan about it yet. Here are our reviews of the Big 5 and the host country! Continue reading

Grand final: Fun facts and what to expect

Romania
“In the beautiful, Norwegian village of Bryne you can find a piano like this in every home”

Yay, the grand final is rapidly approaching in Copenhagen! We just watched the jury final, and here’s a heads up on what to expect:

1.Ukraine: Tick-Tock sung by Mariya Yaremchuk

Struggles to impress us with a man in a hamster wheel. That’s nothing but a nice try when Greece has THREE men on a TRAMPOLINE.

2.Belarus: Cheesecake sung by Teo

Thank God the final at least has one song about cakes. Claims to not be Patrick Swayze, which is great as he never would be able to lift us anyway.

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Spanish geography lesson

Now hang on a minute. Can Spain possibly enter the competition with something else than latino pop, feisty flamenco or a big-ass ballad? It’s a risky game messing with our stereotypes, and most Europeans across the continent probably won’t get the first thing about this entry. When you expect some brunette bimbo to enter the stage in a skimpy outfit and start wailing vamos ala playa a bailar alla fiesta, and you get bagpipes? Oh, stick a fork in us, we’re done.

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Step away from us, Spain

This is the third song this year that asks us to stay. Never was there a promise of more woe.

Seriously, and with the risk of sounding all grumpy and more vicious than the Blair Witch, this year’s entry from Spain is nothing less than head spam. It sounds a bit like Celine Dion decided to marry Julio Iglesias the former and tell us about all the pain and self tanning misery that put her through. Except that would maybe, and just maybe, be less boring.

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