10 reasons Julia Samoylova shouldn’t be allowed into Kyiv

Word was out earlier this month: Turns out Russian artist Julia Samoylova previously rolled her wheel chair into Crimea not only once, but several times.Totally not acceptable. And so the riots began. People posted online comments. Jon Ola Sand blabbered away about his political hangovers in the press like any regular American. The interest organization for the disabled supporters of the Russian annexation of Crimea loaded their kalashni…sorry, Facebook walls. And the Ukrainian bossypants drew up their paperwork, as if they never have done anything else in their life – which they probably haven’t, come to think of it.

Bottom line: Ukraine does not heartily welcome Julia in sunny Kyiv this spring. Here in GEE headquarters we fully support that. Hereby presenting 10 reasons why:

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First impressions from the first dress rehearsal of the first semi-final

Yay, we just attended the first dress rehearsal for the first semi-final and it is shaping up to be a fabulous show. Here’s our first impressions for you:

01 Finland Sandhja Sing It Away

We keep mixing this up with the Spanish song. Which is not a good sign in our book. Backing singers are sweeping the floor with their microphone stands. Hope they get paid by SVT.

02 Greece Argo Utopian Land

Those who think this won’t qualify are seriously deluded. Sporting steaming hot bloke who rips his shirt off towards the end. Opa!

03 Moldova Lidia Isac Falling Stars

We know we are entering into our final week psychosis when we look at each other in nodding approval for the Moldovan entry. If we can’t have Laika the lonely dog in space in Eurovision, at least we can have a hot cosmonaut doing a summersault on stage.

04 Hungary Freddie Pioneer

Stands on what appears to be a perfectly marbled entrecote, which is pretty great because we love a good steak! He’s quite beefy too, come to think of it. We’ll take him medium rare, thank you. Yum!

hungary first dress rehearsal ebu andres putting
Beefy Pic by Andres Putting/EBU
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Our night: Dining with our favorite schlagerboys, hooking up with our favorite artists and dancing with Helena Paparizou

Hooray and then some, we just refueled on mexican food and remembered we had a fabulous time yesterday!

We started our day in the press center, where we attended Latvia‘s and Poland‘s press conference. Michal Szpak looked great in his David Bowie sweater. We even got to ask him a question, which was such a sad excuse for trying to get ourselves on tv. But he told us his his soul was red and that he also liked Guri’s blue top, which was mostly white. And he said he wanted to touch us in the semi final, which is more than we ever dared to hope for.

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Hottest Eurovision Male 2016 Pageant

Finally. It’s the one time of year when we get to focus on the most important thing in our life: Who is the best-looking bloke in Eurovision?

The jury had a hard time this year. There were a lot of great applications, and many argued their case well, which once again reminded us what a great year 2016 is for fabulousness. In the end we just had to share a bottle of pinot and get down to business. The jury has taken the following criteria into consideration: looks, charm, style, shaggability, social skills, likelihood of showing up in Euroclub and the ability to wear clothes while being surrounded by highly dangerous animals. Other than that, we have followed the strict EBU guidelines, of course, allowing gay flags, but not at all relating to any kind of politics. Everybody knows those politicians are boring anyway.

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Spasibo, Russia. We think.

Can we ever really love a Russian entry?

The question has crossed our minds a few times the last couple of years. After all we are engaged in politics and human rights in our regular life and we all know Eurovision is about as political as it gets. No kidding. Stuff a whole continent of countries with their own version of free speech and democratic values together in the most watched live tv show around, and expect nothing less. People will either love or hate you for who you represent.

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OMG! The first semi-final is today!

– Here’s a sneak peak of Mr. Putin’s expansion plans. Go ahead and vote for us, suckers!

Sadly you won’t find your favorite Eurovision bloggers reporting live from the press center and from premier VIP seating inside the arena this year. Due to a series of unforeseen circumstances, which we won’t bore you with the details. But we promise to be back on location next year when it’s Italy’s turn to host Eurovision again!

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Peace, love and #Russia4Evah

Close your eyes. Imagine a blond angel appearing in front of you with promises of peace, love, understanding and free speech. Now where would she come from? Nowhere but Russia!

In Russia they pray for peace and healing, of course. Same procedure as every other year. This country boasts such proud traditions as creators of stability and democracy in Europe and in the world, after all. It’s the land of the thousand oligarks. Solidly founded on the people’s much appreciated struggle. The land of the well functioning free press. Where everyone is allowed their own opinion without consequences, where children are taught about the importance of regime criticism before they can speak and where human rights are at the very chore of anything the government decides.

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Grand final: Fun facts and what to expect

Romania
“In the beautiful, Norwegian village of Bryne you can find a piano like this in every home”

Yay, the grand final is rapidly approaching in Copenhagen! We just watched the jury final, and here’s a heads up on what to expect:

1.Ukraine: Tick-Tock sung by Mariya Yaremchuk

Struggles to impress us with a man in a hamster wheel. That’s nothing but a nice try when Greece has THREE men on a TRAMPOLINE.

2.Belarus: Cheesecake sung by Teo

Thank God the final at least has one song about cakes. Claims to not be Patrick Swayze, which is great as he never would be able to lift us anyway.

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First rehearsals. Impressions and fun facts

In case of emergency, please unfold the parachute. Photo: Andres Putting (EBU)
In case of emergency, please unfold your own parachute first, then help your children. Photo: Andres Putting (EBU)

So. First semi final is no more than a week away and rehearsals are well on their way. Here are some of the most important facts we have picked up on this far:

  • Georgia is way funnier than first anticipated.How unbelievably cool is it to bring a parachute onstage? If you are to dance around high as a kite onstage, why not bring your kite, we say. And there is a slight possibility Israel’s lady might blow us all up, so security equipment is welcomed.
  • Speaking of Israel, we have an announcement to make: Three pair of pants have been found lurking around the airport looking for their owners. Mei and choir chicks can report to the information desk in order to get fully dressed for next week.

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