Hooray, it’s the national day of all fans: The day of the Eurovision final! As always it is a day of conflicted emotions, as it is also the last day of two weeks of fabulous celebration and partying with amazing artists and fans from all over Europe and Australia. And we have to leave the fantastic city of Kyiv tomorrow, which will be like leaving the newfound love of our lives. Also, we think the hunky guys at the fabulous Druzi café will miss us coming in every morning to cure our carefully crafted hangover with two eggs and an avocado smoothie and more black coffee than any Ukrainian has ever been able to order in one day.
What to do when you are not allowed to grab pussies anymore? You head for the moment:
As JOWST has embarked on a preview party tour across Europe, presenting his entry to the Eurovision fans and gaining valuable rehearsal time in the preparations leading up to the big event in Kyiv, credible sources within NRK confirm that there will be changes in the stage show.
Yeah, MGP went as expected. Norway gathered a lot of hobgoblins onstage, let the only good artist down and voted for a rubbish song. We are utterly disappointed we won’t be packing our sami flags and sølje jewellery in May. But at least we had a great party with Elin and her wood, got rid of Kristian Valen early and can still count of Hungary’s Joci for some ethnic vibe in Kyiv (that is if he is not bullied to silence first, shame on you, Hungarians).
Nonetheless. We have some awards to hand out:
It is that time of the year again. Whilst most people are busy enjoying that Stockholm sun and figuring out who is going to win Melodifestivalen in Sweden, Norway is desperately seeking attention for our national final and our “MGP general” Jan Fredrik Karlsen is running around in the media telling everyone who he wants to win so he himself can have someone to drink vodka with in his hotel room in Kyiv.
Just like last year, it’s mostly a sob story for two Norwegian Eurovision fans, really. But we stand by our country in good times and in bad. So we’ll bring our 9 year old associated jury member and show up in Oslo spektrum. And if you are stil wondering who WE would like to shot vodka with in Kyiv’s Euro club, here’s our quick run-through in order of appearance:
So, we already told you we had a great time in Estonia’s Eesti Laul. But did we tell you we also brought Elin and Robin, aka Elin and the Woods, aka our absolute favorites to win MGP this year? We needed to introduce them to the Estonians, of course.
Robin was so excited he decided to take a tour on his own. Here’s what he stopped to look at along his way:
Attention! We who sign this article call upon the EBU and Jon Oh-la-la Sand to take action! In this exclusive article, we can now reveal that almost all of the countries in Norway’s semi final plus one more broke the rules in various ways. We can reveal that EBU does not take its own rules seriously and is quickly making Eurovision a place of lawlessness. If they had reacted in the right way, Norway’s Agnete would have sailed through to the final in her Arctic Icebreaker. And we all know she probably would have won.
This is outrageous beyond words and we now demand that around 10 – 20 countries must be banned from participating in ESC next year. We have launched several petitions on change.org and will most definitely have a word with EBU as soon as signatures start flooding in.
Read this truly shocking list and weep: Continue reading
Yay, we remembered there were 18 more songs to go and just saw the first dress rehearsal for the second semi final. It is also brewing up to be a great show, of course. The undisputable highlight being our favourite Schlagerboys appearing on the big screen, driving around in a taxi, which we’ve heard is shady business in Stockholm. This is what else to expect:
01 Latvia Justs Heartbeat
Has shown a vast selection of leather jackets, so it is a bit disappointing that he chose the black one for the stage. Maybe he should borrow Poland’s stylist? Other than that, douze points for effort. Will be in the run for best performance in the final together with Hungary’s Freddie.
02 Poland Michał Szpak Color Of Your Life
After the Bosnia & Herzegovina disaster in the first semi final, we are happy there is at least half a cello left for Poland. Michal wants people to sing along, and we can now reveal why you know that melody so easily: it echoes the riff of “I will survive”, which is a message we keep repeating to ourselves every morning these days. Clever little thing that Captain Jack Sparrow. Continue reading
So, in true Norwegian style we did not show up in Amsterdam. We were really sad to not experience all the fabulousness that went on in Melkweg, but lucky to have good friends like Schlagerboys and ESCKAZ that shared so perfectly we almost felt like we were there anyway. A big thank you to them and here are our high- and not-so-highlights of the evening:
Most underrated performance by others:
Montenegro. We are seriously impressed that Highway even bothered showing up, knowing the hardcore fans do not exactly favour their music style and can be less than welcoming. But they just have to live with that for a while longer, because with voices like theirs, they are bound to please quite a few voters. And us, which is most important, of course. Also, you have to love a band with two vocalists.
Most surprising performance:
Greta from Iceland, starting off with a beautiful violin solo and following up with a great crowdpleaser of a schlager. Good thing Iceland has a few millions reserved for hosting an international final in a bank account in Panama.
Yay, it is finally time for Eurovision in concert! All hearts be merry. This is the time when artists gather in the city of Amsterdam to show what they are capable of and, more importantly, what they are not capable of in Stockholm in May.
We sadly have to devote our weekend to children’s football and family entertaining, which sounds like worst case of priorities gone bad, but probably awards us a few very needed karma points for when we hop on the speedy train to Stockholm in May to make the best possible use of our newly acquired accreditation. But we’ll be following the Internet from our very smart phones 24-7, of course.
Here’s what we’ll be looking for: