The Grand Final is shaping up to be real corker of a show, chuck full of favorites in the first half, and come to think of it, the second half as well. Moreover, the national broadcaster here has been considerate enough to add a number of technical glitches and f*ck-ups which of course adds to the excitement.
Tonight is a big night where the jury will cast their votes, Italy will most likely once again do something to ruin their chances of winning, and we are of course in the Press Center to report about it. Buckle up!
Finally. After hours of discussion, after shedding blood and tears, after many a chardonnay bottle and painful rehearsals, after shutting down all the whining from our gay friends with bad taste, we have reached a verdict in Eurovision’s most significant competition: Who is the hottest male artist of 2019?
Yay, we are at the press center watching the jury final before tomorrow’s Grand Final. This is, as many of you know, the dress rehearsal with a live audience upon which all the juries votes for tomorrow are based, so it matters a lot how the artists are doing at this very moment. Fuckups have been known to happen before and we have been known to report them. This is what we noticed: Continue reading
The Big 5 are looking quite strong this year, well except from the UK and Spain obviously. Quite unexpectedly we do not think that neither Spain nor Germany will finish last this year, so it’s awfully nice of the UK to take over. Here’s our Big 5 and host country’s reviews nicely lined up for you: Continue reading
It’s not easy getting attention as a Eurovision artist this year. After all, we are in the country where everyone from renovation workers to police officers to the average shop keeper look like they are replaced by super models, and we’ll more than gladly accept a body search by security guards. But we still have a few nice guys on our hands and we feel the responsibility for awarding them for that, of course.
The jury has worked long and hard, binging on Chardonnay and trying not to drown in any #metoo sinking holes along the way. But eventually we made our list. And here be the points of the real housewives of Norway: Continue reading
Hooray, it’s the national day of all fans: The day of the Eurovision final! As always it is a day of conflicted emotions, as it is also the last day of two weeks of fabulous celebration and partying with amazing artists and fans from all over Europe and Australia. And we have to leave the fantastic city of Kyiv tomorrow, which will be like leaving the newfound love of our lives. Also, we think the hunky guys at the fabulous Druzi café will miss us coming in every morning to cure our carefully crafted hangover with two eggs and an avocado smoothie and more black coffee than any Ukrainian has ever been able to order in one day.
Time to decide what really matters in this year’s competition: Who is the hottest bloke?
The jury has had a difficult time, as usual. The careful selection process involved a lot of vodka, fighting over basic female rights and rather serious investigations into whether or not the candidates have been to Crimea. We decided to listen to Latvia and draw the line somewhere, so we agreed candidates young enough to be the parents of our grandchildren were not allowed. But we welcome Bulgaria, Australia and Ireland to try again when their artists are out of high school.
There shall be no doubt: The fan community expects Italy to win this year. The odds are close to one, and not even great countries in the East are trying to throw a spanner into the works of the lovely Francesco Gabbani and his ginormous teddy bear. We have no trouble with that. There are at least 50 reasons to love Italy this year: Continue reading