So, the Irish released their entry for Lisbon this week and it’s every bit of disappointing as we expected it to be.
When talent show regular Ryan O’Shaughnessy was announced as the Irish entrant earlier this winter it caused nothing more than a collective shoulder shrug across Europe. Most fans have given up on the former Eurovision champion years ago. One would think that the current miserable state they’re in and four non-qualifications in a row would solicit a bit of serious soul searching on the green island, but we guess not! Continue reading
So, what to do when the “throw a former boyband hasbeen on stage and hope for the best” tactic didn’t’ work last year? Cue enter another boyband star!
One should think that when something turns out terribly bad, the first natural thing to do afterwards is to sit down, analyze the situation and try to come up with ideas on what can be changed and improved next time around. But this is evidently not they way things work over at the Irish broadcaster RTÉ. We are starting to think all the smart Irish people immigrated to America. Continue reading
Yay, we remembered there were 18 more songs to go and just saw the first dress rehearsal for the second semi final. It is also brewing up to be a great show, of course. The undisputable highlight being our favourite Schlagerboys appearing on the big screen, driving around in a taxi, which we’ve heard is shady business in Stockholm. This is what else to expect:
01 Latvia Justs Heartbeat
Has shown a vast selection of leather jackets, so it is a bit disappointing that he chose the black one for the stage. Maybe he should borrow Poland’s stylist? Other than that, douze points for effort. Will be in the run for best performance in the final together with Hungary’s Freddie.
02 Poland Michał Szpak Color Of Your Life
After the Bosnia & Herzegovina disaster in the first semi final, we are happy there is at least half a cello left for Poland. Michal wants people to sing along, and we can now reveal why you know that melody so easily: it echoes the riff of “I will survive”, which is a message we keep repeating to ourselves every morning these days. Clever little thing that Captain Jack Sparrow. Continue reading
Finally. It’s the one time of year when we get to focus on the most important thing in our life: Who is the best-looking bloke in Eurovision?
The jury had a hard time this year. There were a lot of great applications, and many argued their case well, which once again reminded us what a great year 2016 is for fabulousness. In the end we just had to share a bottle of pinot and get down to business. The jury has taken the following criteria into consideration: looks, charm, style, shaggability, social skills, likelihood of showing up in Euroclub and the ability to wear clothes while being surrounded by highly dangerous animals. Other than that, we have followed the strict EBU guidelines, of course, allowing gay flags, but not at all relating to any kind of politics. Everybody knows those politicians are boring anyway.
Here’s how we would have reviewed Ireland in 1998, where this entry really belongs:
Wow, we just disvovered this amaaaaazing artist from Ireland and he is soooooooo handsome <3 <3 <3 When he sings ”I’ll be your lover boy”, we feel like he only sings to us. And our hearts beat so fast at every ”love like beginners”. Because, diary, we think for the first time we really are in love. Just like Victoria when she met David Beckham, right? Did you know Nicky is also a footballer? OMG OMG OMG.
Tonight is a big one coming up for us as Norway is on, and no less than FIVE of the guys on our hotlist. We recommend a bottle of Chardonnay, Valium and an oxygen mask within reach. If all goes well and we don’t pass out with overexcitement before the Czech Republic sings, we hope we will be able to celebrate the following ten countries going through to the Grand Final (click on the links to read our review):
We want to congratulate the Irish for finally, for the first time in ages, sending an entry that doesn’t involve heavy use of Swedish songwriters and without a bodhrán in sight. Hallelujah, we thought that day would never come!
We never got the need for hiring Scandinavians to make something Irish sounding; it simply makes no sense whatsoever. Especially not when they have managed just fine on own homegrown talent in the past, winning the Eurovision Song Contest no less than seven times. Not even the Swedes can beat that, not just yet anyways.
There were rehearsals. Actual, real rehearsals! With artist in clothes! Well, sort of anyway. Here are our first impressions from the second semi final:
1. Malta is definitely coming home with us
Malta’s performance was once again steady as a rock and we’re starting to get that winning feeling. And attention! If you look closely, you will see a selfie of us and Marco Mengoni as a part of their stage backdrop. We are very happy to be up there with the loves of our life during such an important moment in history. Oh, and yeah, we are also glad that 130 million viewers get to see our friendly faces, of course. Vote for us, Marco and Malta. It’s number one, peeps.
2. Mei Feingold is still very angry
Half way through the song we just want to scream “WE GOT YOUR POINT THE FIRST TIME” back at her. Also, her stage backdrop looks like something from an adaption of a not so pleasant Cormac McCarthy novel. But thumbs up for effort and all.
Ireland must feel a bit miffed by the fact that a bunch of annoyingly cheeky Scandinavians quite blatantly stole the winning recipe last year and got away with it. And by all means, we don’t blame them. As the Danes stormed to victory in Malmø, the Irish were having sour grapes in the green room. But trying to get ahead by making a copy of the copy when you have the original recipe somewhere in the back of your desktop drawer is quite possibly the worst idea ever.
All righty then! While most of our fellow Norwegians have spent the day suffocating in too tight bunads, stuffing their face with ice cream and hotdogs, we have been in Malmø Arena to catch the first dress rehearsal before the Grand Final. How very exiting. Squeal!
We can promise you a wicked show, the Swedes certainly know their stuff and you can really tell they have been gagging to transfer Melodifestivalen to a pan European format.