Forget Sweden. Hungary seems to be the new power nation of Eurovision:
Hooray, it’s the national day of all fans: The day of the Eurovision final! As always it is a day of conflicted emotions, as it is also the last day of two weeks of fabulous celebration and partying with amazing artists and fans from all over Europe and Australia. And we have to leave the fantastic city of Kyiv tomorrow, which will be like leaving the newfound love of our lives. Also, we think the hunky guys at the fabulous Druzi café will miss us coming in every morning to cure our carefully crafted hangover with two eggs and an avocado smoothie and more black coffee than any Ukrainian has ever been able to order in one day.
Hungary has had a special place in our Eurovisional hearts for a long time, with Bye Alex and last year’s Freddie on top (we wish). We actually considered going to A Dal this year, just to check out for ourselves how those Magyars were able to dish up all those fabulous entries and *cough* hawt men. But in the end we realised there was no VIP party after that national final, so we went elsewhere and saved our flair for charming Hungarians for Kyiv. Still we were really happy to see they managed to pick the right entry even without our assistance.
It is a funny thing this Eurovision. Here we were, confident Italy was going to win this whole contest and that Scandinavian countries were stuck in the recycle bin once again and that all the Spanish fans were bonkers yet again and nothing else interesting was in line for us in 2017. Enter Joci Pápai. A Romani slash Hungarian bloke with a traditional Romani slash hiphop entry we couldn’t stop listening to in a golden shirt with a dancer and a violinist. And a man bun!
We needed to speak to him immediately, of course.
– OMG, Joci. Congratulations on winning A Dal! We didn’t even dare to hope for such an amazing song for Hungary yet again! Did you expect to win or were you surprised?
– Thank you very much. I really believed in my song but I never dared to dream of being in the top 4 or winning. It was the biggest surprise ever. My loved ones encouraged me all the way, but I didn’t think it was possible for a Gipsy boy to win with such a crossover track. I am incredibly grateful for all the votes from the audience!
Finally. After harrassing most of Hungary’s publicists on a daily basis for a few months and sleeping outside Freddie’s hotel since the 1st of May, we managed to get an interview with the fabulous Hungarian contestant. In a bar! Alone! We had a great private conversation, and here’s what came out of it:
– Congratulations on making it to the final! Were you happy?
– Yes, of course I was! I felt our performance was pretty good. To tell you the truth I felt like I did everything, and that “this must be enough”. Of course I was nervous, but I really believed in the song.
– So did we. We have been keeping a very close watch for you in EuroClub with no result. What have you been doing in Stockholm?
– We’ve been here since the 1st of May, so we’ve had time to go on excursions and cruises, which was highly needed to refill some energy. We also saw a lot of the city and it is breathtaking. I have never been to the Nordic countries before. I love the fresh air.
– Yeah, we have to work on our image, we know more than air. But don’t you want to sing and party with us?
Yay, we just attended the first dress rehearsal for the first semi-final and it is shaping up to be a fabulous show. Here’s our first impressions for you:
01 Finland Sandhja Sing It Away
We keep mixing this up with the Spanish song. Which is not a good sign in our book. Backing singers are sweeping the floor with their microphone stands. Hope they get paid by SVT.
02 Greece Argo Utopian Land
Those who think this won’t qualify are seriously deluded. Sporting steaming hot bloke who rips his shirt off towards the end. Opa!
03 Moldova Lidia Isac Falling Stars
We know we are entering into our final week psychosis when we look at each other in nodding approval for the Moldovan entry. If we can’t have Laika the lonely dog in space in Eurovision, at least we can have a hot cosmonaut doing a summersault on stage.
04 Hungary Freddie Pioneer
Stands on what appears to be a perfectly marbled entrecote, which is pretty great because we love a good steak! He’s quite beefy too, come to think of it. We’ll take him medium rare, thank you. Yum!
Last night it was time for the opening party in Stockholm! With the plebeians kept comfortably at arms length, the Eurovision stars finally got to officially meet and greet each other. But before hogging into the free champagne and finger food at the swanky City Hall, they did their schlager duty and had a stroll down the red carpet to show off their finest rags and feathers.
We did of course miss our own Agnete, which was exactly to be expected. We offered to step in, but strangely we never received a reply to that email. Oh well, it’s their loss! As the organizers obviously preferred to keep us safely behind the barriers we made the most out of it and bellowed as loud as we could to catch the stars’ attention. Here’s a few red carpet highlights for you, with pics by yours truly and our buddies over at EBU.
Finally. It’s the one time of year when we get to focus on the most important thing in our life: Who is the best-looking bloke in Eurovision?
The jury had a hard time this year. There were a lot of great applications, and many argued their case well, which once again reminded us what a great year 2016 is for fabulousness. In the end we just had to share a bottle of pinot and get down to business. The jury has taken the following criteria into consideration: looks, charm, style, shaggability, social skills, likelihood of showing up in Euroclub and the ability to wear clothes while being surrounded by highly dangerous animals. Other than that, we have followed the strict EBU guidelines, of course, allowing gay flags, but not at all relating to any kind of politics. Everybody knows those politicians are boring anyway.
So, in true Norwegian style we did not show up in Amsterdam. We were really sad to not experience all the fabulousness that went on in Melkweg, but lucky to have good friends like Schlagerboys and ESCKAZ that shared so perfectly we almost felt like we were there anyway. A big thank you to them and here are our high- and not-so-highlights of the evening:
Most underrated performance by others:
Montenegro. We are seriously impressed that Highway even bothered showing up, knowing the hardcore fans do not exactly favour their music style and can be less than welcoming. But they just have to live with that for a while longer, because with voices like theirs, they are bound to please quite a few voters. And us, which is most important, of course. Also, you have to love a band with two vocalists.
Most surprising performance:
Greta from Iceland, starting off with a beautiful violin solo and following up with a great crowdpleaser of a schlager. Good thing Iceland has a few millions reserved for hosting an international final in a bank account in Panama.
Close your eyes and imagine a hunky hunk with a voice to die for and a song that just screams Eurovision. Enter Freddie, AKA Bryan Adams, Hungary edition:
Ah, Freddie. Don’t even get us started on Freddie. We thought we’d died and gone to heaven when we saw Freddie. Everything we do, we do it for him. Please forgive us.