So this Thomas G:Son is a funny guy. Right when we had him pegged as a notorious schlager machine for half of Europe’s shiny botox queens, he starts writing indie rock for Georgia?
Not that we disapprove. At all. Maybe it was due to the inspiration he got from Nina Sublatti last year or maybe it is the fact that he accidentally ran into Minus One while sunbathing in Aiya Napa in Septemer, but G:Son certainly dicovered rock, and that is the best news we’ve had since Dr. Alban quit music.
So there are a few interesting facts about this year’s contest. One being that it is chuck full of rockers, another being that there are lots of recycled participants from the alumni club, but the most important is that there is HAIR. LOTS of it, in fact. Had we not known this was a contest somehow related to music, we would have mistaken it for the annual assembly of Europe’s hair models.
And who has shown the best use of hair so far? It seems most of the women had the same blow dry from a random hair dresser on a street in Manhattan, so we’re going to skip a lot of them. We do not see the need for looking like real housewives of New Jersey just because you are singing a song in Stockholm. Let’s focus on the others.
Sadly you won’t find your favorite Eurovision bloggers reporting live from the press center and from premier VIP seating inside the arena this year. Due to a series of unforeseen circumstances, which we won’t bore you with the details. But we promise to be back on location next year when it’s Italy’s turn to host Eurovision again!
Now here’s a chick we would rather not run into in a dark alley in the shadier parts of Vienna heading back from Euroclub. Those piercing eyes scare the living daylights out of us. Here’s Georgia’s declaration of war for you!
Perhaps we’ve missed something crucial here, but we cannot quite understand why batshit crazy women with smoldering smokey eyes and a shouty song make the united fannies of Europe squeal with joy and throw raving reviews. Because most people don’t take a particular liking to it, and would prefer not to be screamed at by a scary lady when they sit down with their tacos and sodas to enjoy a spot of annual family friendly televised entertainment. We see a fanwank in the making. It happened to Mei Finegold in Copenhagen and we have a growing suspicion it will be the same story all over again for Nina Sublatti this year. People are simply more induced to put away their carefully curated tortilla wraps for a few seconds to vote for presentable Danish school kids or even the firecracker in a red dress from Serbia with an oh so banal, but understandable and uplifting message.
There were rehearsals. Actual, real rehearsals! With artist in clothes! Well, sort of anyway. Here are our first impressions from the second semi final:
1. Malta is definitely coming home with us
Malta’s performance was once again steady as a rock and we’re starting to get that winning feeling. And attention! If you look closely, you will see a selfie of us and Marco Mengoni as a part of their stage backdrop. We are very happy to be up there with the loves of our life during such an important moment in history. Oh, and yeah, we are also glad that 130 million viewers get to see our friendly faces, of course. Vote for us, Marco and Malta. It’s number one, peeps.
2. Mei Feingold is still very angry
Half way through the song we just want to scream “WE GOT YOUR POINT THE FIRST TIME” back at her. Also, her stage backdrop looks like something from an adaption of a not so pleasant Cormac McCarthy novel. But thumbs up for effort and all.
So. First semi final is no more than a week away and rehearsals are well on their way. Here are some of the most important facts we have picked up on this far:
Georgia is way funnier than first anticipated.How unbelievably cool is it to bring a parachute onstage? If you are to dance around high as a kite onstage, why not bring your kite, we say. And there is a slight possibility Israel’s lady might blow us all up, so security equipment is welcomed.
Speaking of Israel, we have an announcement to make: Three pair of pants have been found lurking around the airport looking for their owners. Mei and choir chicks can report to the information desk in order to get fully dressed for next week.
Last year Georgia thought they could win ESC by stealing Azerbaijan’s successful recipe. Throw a coin (or actually a whole lot of coins) on the swedomat and get an off the rack, one size fits all schlager ballad straight from the assembly line overcrowded by overeager Swedish songwriters, who gladly sell their souls, spines and what little integrity they might have for an opportunity to represent some random dictatorship or totalitarian state in the more shady parts of Europe. Continue reading
You know after a long party, there’s always a headache threatening you with destruction. This year it is called Georgia:
OMFG, is it even possible to be so utterly, enormously, truly, amazingly, obnoxiously, horribly HORRIBLE and get away it? Oh yes, if you are two overly styled, overly fashioned, overly botoxed, overly groomed people who just had The Swedomat formerly known as Thomas G:son masturbating his love misery and oh so familiar drive-through-take-away song scheme all over you. Continue reading
Georgia is a likable country. The Georgian people are friendly, warm, generous and throw great parties. In the Eurovision world this has been abundantly awarded in terms of votes from pretty much all across Europe, placing them high on the scoreboard since their debut in 2007. Even Russia has shoved bucket-loads of points in Georgia’s direction, a rather remarkable accomplishment as the Russians after all are supposed to be their archenemies.
After last’s year ear rape by the emoclowns in Eldrine we’re not quite sure exactly what the televoters across Europe find so appealing about this small country by the Black Sea. Continue reading
Oh, well, it didn’t go Stella’s way tonight. We are so disappointed and a little bit shocked we must say, but there’s a lot of countries with crappy entries out there with a lot of good neighbors and the early draw and the sound problems in the beginning of the show didn’t exactly do us any favors. Regardless, we are so proud of Stella and her backing crew, they all did a great job and we couldn’t have asked for more!