No Faith In Georgia

So, are we really ready for another batshit crazy woman from Georgia with smoldering smokey eyes and a shouty song? The answer is no.

We suppose it was bound to happen. After Jamala winning last year we kinda expected a fair share of female artists with big voices singing sinister songs in minor key about the troubled world we’re living in. It worked so well last year so why not climb on the bandwagon trying something similar? It might seem like a good idea, but not when it’s being badly executed. We find Keep The Faith to be a pretentious, pompous and off-putting dirge. It lacks the depth and artistic qualities of 1944, TamaraTako” Gachechiladze does not possess the same talent as Jamala and the whole package comes across as contrived and without credibility. Continue reading

First impressions from the first dress rehearsal of the second semi final

ukraine ebu andres putting
– No, no, no, Andres Putting, don’t come any closer! Pic by EBU/Andres Putting

Yay, we remembered there were 18 more songs to go and just saw the first dress rehearsal for the second semi final. It is also brewing up to be a great show, of course. The undisputable highlight being our favourite Schlagerboys appearing on the big screen, driving around in a taxi, which we’ve heard is shady business in Stockholm. This is what else to expect:

01 Latvia Justs Heartbeat

Has shown a vast selection of leather jackets, so it is a bit disappointing that he chose the black one for the stage. Maybe he should borrow Poland’s stylist? Other than that, douze points for effort. Will be in the run for best performance in the final together with Hungary’s Freddie.

02 Poland Michał Szpak Color Of Your Life

After the Bosnia & Herzegovina disaster in the first semi final, we are happy there is at least half a cello left for Poland. Michal wants people to sing along, and we can now reveal why you know that melody so easily: it echoes the riff of “I will survive”, which is a message we keep repeating to ourselves every morning these days. Clever little thing that Captain Jack Sparrow. Continue reading

Highlights from the Red Carpet

Last night it was time for the opening party in Stockholm! With the plebeians kept comfortably at arms length, the Eurovision stars finally got to officially meet and greet each other. But before hogging into the free champagne and finger food at the swanky City Hall, they did their schlager duty and had a stroll down the red carpet to show off their finest rags and feathers.

We did of course miss our own Agnete, which was exactly to be expected. We offered to step in, but strangely we never received a reply to that email. Oh well, it’s their loss! As the organizers obviously preferred to keep us safely behind the barriers we made the most out of it and bellowed as loud as we could to catch the stars’ attention. Here’s a few red carpet highlights for you, with pics by yours truly and our buddies over at EBU.

Belarus red carpet
We were happy to see that IVAN picked up our styling tips and showed up on the red carpet without wolves, but with a manbun. Jared Leto might not be that well known in Belarus, but apparently they do read our blog over there. Photo by GEE

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The ultimate flag post

In Norway we’re still holding our breath and crossing our fingers for Agnete to actually show up in Stockholm, but otherwise it seems like the preparations before the rehearsals kick off in Globen are running along smoothly. A sneak peak of how the stage will look like tells us that we’re about to get reacquainted with the good old television test signal, which will give a nice retro touch to the competition. Well done, SVT!

stagetest
Can anyone actually tell the difference here?

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OMG, we love Thomas G:Son and his Georgian Lolitaz

So this Thomas G:Son is a funny guy. Right when we had him pegged as a notorious schlager machine for half of Europe’s shiny botox queens, he starts writing indie rock for Georgia?

Not that we disapprove. At all. Maybe it was due to the inspiration he got from Nina Sublatti last year or maybe it is the fact that he accidentally ran into Minus One while sunbathing in Aiya Napa in Septemer, but G:Son certainly dicovered rock, and that is the best news we’ve had since Dr. Alban quit music.

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Best hair in Eurovision pageant

Can anyone match this extraordinary woman this year? Give us your vote!
Can anyone match the extraordinary Kate this year? Give us your vote!

So there are a few interesting facts about this year’s contest. One being that it is chuck full of rockers, another being that there are lots of recycled participants from the alumni club, but the most important is that there is HAIR. LOTS of it, in fact. Had we not known this was a contest somehow related to music, we would have mistaken it for the annual assembly of Europe’s hair models.

And who has shown the best use of hair so far? It seems most of the women had the same blow dry from a random hair dresser on a street in Manhattan, so we’re going to skip a lot of them. We do not see the need for looking like real housewives of New Jersey just because you are singing a song in Stockholm. Let’s focus on the others.

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OMG! The first semi-final is today!

– Here’s a sneak peak of Mr. Putin’s expansion plans. Go ahead and vote for us, suckers!

Sadly you won’t find your favorite Eurovision bloggers reporting live from the press center and from premier VIP seating inside the arena this year. Due to a series of unforeseen circumstances, which we won’t bore you with the details. But we promise to be back on location next year when it’s Italy’s turn to host Eurovision again!

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Georgia fight their way back

Now here’s a chick we would rather not run into in a dark alley in the shadier parts of Vienna heading back from Euroclub. Those piercing eyes scare the living daylights out of us. Here’s Georgia’s declaration of war for you!

Perhaps we’ve missed something crucial here, but we cannot quite understand why batshit crazy women with smoldering smokey eyes and a shouty song make the united fannies of Europe squeal with joy and throw raving reviews. Because most people don’t take a particular liking to it, and would prefer not to be screamed at by a scary lady when they sit down with their tacos and sodas to enjoy a spot of annual family friendly televised entertainment. We see a fanwank in the making. It happened to Mei Finegold in Copenhagen and we have a growing suspicion it will be the same story all over again for Nina Sublatti this year. People are simply more induced to put away their carefully curated tortilla wraps for a few seconds to vote for presentable Danish school kids or even the firecracker in a red dress from Serbia with an oh so banal, but understandable and uplifting message.

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You cannot believe what was going on in B&W Hallerne today

There were rehearsals. Actual, real rehearsals! With artist in clothes! Well, sort of anyway. Here are our first impressions from the second semi final:

1. Malta is definitely coming home with us

Malta’s performance was once again steady as a rock and we’re starting to get that winning feeling. And attention! If you look closely, you will see a selfie of us and Marco Mengoni as a part of their stage backdrop. We are very happy to be up there with the loves of our life during such an important moment in history. Oh, and yeah, we are also glad that 130 million viewers get to see our friendly faces, of course. Vote for us, Marco and Malta. It’s number one, peeps.

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“And to the right we have an image of my favorite girls in Good Evening Europe. Do notice the fine details and carefully planned and coordinated outfits.”

2. Mei Feingold is still very angry

Half way through the song we just want to scream “WE GOT YOUR POINT THE FIRST TIME” back at her. Also, her stage backdrop looks like something from an adaption of a not so pleasant Cormac McCarthy novel. But thumbs up for effort and all.

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First rehearsals. Impressions and fun facts

In case of emergency, please unfold the parachute. Photo: Andres Putting (EBU)
In case of emergency, please unfold your own parachute first, then help your children. Photo: Andres Putting (EBU)

So. First semi final is no more than a week away and rehearsals are well on their way. Here are some of the most important facts we have picked up on this far:

  • Georgia is way funnier than first anticipated.How unbelievably cool is it to bring a parachute onstage? If you are to dance around high as a kite onstage, why not bring your kite, we say. And there is a slight possibility Israel’s lady might blow us all up, so security equipment is welcomed.
  • Speaking of Israel, we have an announcement to make: Three pair of pants have been found lurking around the airport looking for their owners. Mei and choir chicks can report to the information desk in order to get fully dressed for next week.

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