Is this a giant mistake where we posted a headline meant for our soft porn blog? Nah, don’t worry. We’re just trying to wrap our head around Cyprus this year:
Yay, we just attended the first dress rehearsal for the first semi-final and it is shaping up to be a fabulous show. Here’s our first impressions for you:
01 Finland Sandhja Sing It Away
We keep mixing this up with the Spanish song. Which is not a good sign in our book. Backing singers are sweeping the floor with their microphone stands. Hope they get paid by SVT.
02 Greece Argo Utopian Land
Those who think this won’t qualify are seriously deluded. Sporting steaming hot bloke who rips his shirt off towards the end. Opa!
03 Moldova Lidia Isac Falling Stars
We know we are entering into our final week psychosis when we look at each other in nodding approval for the Moldovan entry. If we can’t have Laika the lonely dog in space in Eurovision, at least we can have a hot cosmonaut doing a summersault on stage.
04 Hungary Freddie Pioneer
Stands on what appears to be a perfectly marbled entrecote, which is pretty great because we love a good steak! He’s quite beefy too, come to think of it. We’ll take him medium rare, thank you. Yum!
Hooray and then some, we just refueled on mexican food and remembered we had a fabulous time yesterday!
We started our day in the press center, where we attended Latvia‘s and Poland‘s press conference. Michal Szpak looked great in his David Bowie sweater. We even got to ask him a question, which was such a sad excuse for trying to get ourselves on tv. But he told us his his soul was red and that he also liked Guri’s blue top, which was mostly white. And he said he wanted to touch us in the semi final, which is more than we ever dared to hope for.
Finally. It’s the one time of year when we get to focus on the most important thing in our life: Who is the best-looking bloke in Eurovision?
The jury had a hard time this year. There were a lot of great applications, and many argued their case well, which once again reminded us what a great year 2016 is for fabulousness. In the end we just had to share a bottle of pinot and get down to business. The jury has taken the following criteria into consideration: looks, charm, style, shaggability, social skills, likelihood of showing up in Euroclub and the ability to wear clothes while being surrounded by highly dangerous animals. Other than that, we have followed the strict EBU guidelines, of course, allowing gay flags, but not at all relating to any kind of politics. Everybody knows those politicians are boring anyway.
Yeah, yeah, we know, it’s been TWO whole days since the Eurovision party in London. But like certain Cypriots we needed a while to unwind. And first things first, we have been super busy trying to translate all the stories Polish media keep writing about us. It sure is awesome to be noticed in a country so huge it would consider our proud capital a little farm village.
Didn’t forget our duties, though. Here are the awards of the GEE jury:
Funkiest woman onstage: Bulgaria’s Poli Genova. What a fabulous gal she is! We are shaving off half our hair and joining her fan club any minute now.
Best performance: France’s Amir. Singing Golden boy. Can we please get that in EuroClub too, hon? Seven a day keeps the blues away – and the GEE girls your biggest fans for life.
So, in true Norwegian style we did not show up in Amsterdam. We were really sad to not experience all the fabulousness that went on in Melkweg, but lucky to have good friends like Schlagerboys and ESCKAZ that shared so perfectly we almost felt like we were there anyway. A big thank you to them and here are our high- and not-so-highlights of the evening:
Most underrated performance by others:
Montenegro. We are seriously impressed that Highway even bothered showing up, knowing the hardcore fans do not exactly favour their music style and can be less than welcoming. But they just have to live with that for a while longer, because with voices like theirs, they are bound to please quite a few voters. And us, which is most important, of course. Also, you have to love a band with two vocalists.
Most surprising performance:
Greta from Iceland, starting off with a beautiful violin solo and following up with a great crowdpleaser of a schlager. Good thing Iceland has a few millions reserved for hosting an international final in a bank account in Panama.
Yay, it is finally time for Eurovision in concert! All hearts be merry. This is the time when artists gather in the city of Amsterdam to show what they are capable of and, more importantly, what they are not capable of in Stockholm in May.
We sadly have to devote our weekend to children’s football and family entertaining, which sounds like worst case of priorities gone bad, but probably awards us a few very needed karma points for when we hop on the speedy train to Stockholm in May to make the best possible use of our newly acquired accreditation. But we’ll be following the Internet from our very smart phones 24-7, of course.
Here’s what we’ll be looking for:
So there are a few interesting facts about this year’s contest. One being that it is chuck full of rockers, another being that there are lots of recycled participants from the alumni club, but the most important is that there is HAIR. LOTS of it, in fact. Had we not known this was a contest somehow related to music, we would have mistaken it for the annual assembly of Europe’s hair models.
And who has shown the best use of hair so far? It seems most of the women had the same blow dry from a random hair dresser on a street in Manhattan, so we’re going to skip a lot of them. We do not see the need for looking like real housewives of New Jersey just because you are singing a song in Stockholm. Let’s focus on the others.
Let’s talk about the fact that Minus One is basically Nickelback, Cyprus edition.
There. We said it. It certainly hurt, but we had to get it off our minds after our friend Marthe ever so carefully put it in there (thanks a lot). There are things to be said about Nickelback, and ultimately about the bands that resemble them. We feel they ruined rock music.
We mean; we grew up not only as Eurovision lovers, but more importantly as two of the many who finally found their teenage belonging in rock and punk. There we were, in point blank rural Norway, where everybody loved a bad shot of moonshine and horrendous disco, clueless of what life had to offer. Until we discovered Sex Pistols. And PJ Harvey. And Elvis Costello. All with one thing in common: They were hot, subversive and they clearly didn’t give a damn if anyone liked them. For that we really liked them, of course.
That’s what we got from punk. And that’s also what we get from Eurovision, mind you. Do we get it from Nickleback, though? Nah.
Don’t know if you noticed, but this year Eurovision is all about the rock music. And so far there is one band on the throne: Minus One from Cyprus. We didn’t miss the chance to chat them up, of course.
– First of all: Congratulations on being the chosen candidates for Cyprus this year! We were truly happy to see you going to Stockholm. (Sorry, we know this is not a question. You can just say thank you).
– Well listen… we’ll leave the Thank you’s (if any)for the end of the interview. We havent gotten all the questions yet.
– Tell us a bit about your band. Are you huge in Aiya Napa? What is your musical inspiration?
– We play Rock music, of course we’re abundantly huge in Ayia Napa and we’re influenced by everything from Duran Duran to Metallica.