What we noticed in Eurovision rehearsals so far

Finally, May arrived. Everyone cozied up in their billion-pound hotel rooms in Liverpool and started working on this year’s Eurovision final. It’s looking good already! Some of it, at least. Marco Mengoni’s face and France’s dress and so on. Here’s a few things we noticed so far

This yoga move is supposed to be very good for your intestines. Pic by Sarah Louise Bennet/EBU

Everybody already decided Sweden is going to win. Which is same procedure as every year. This time there’s the winning combination of Thomas Gson and Loreen, though. And although Loreen is currently singing like she really IS trying to lift that roof all by herself and not making it, we’re thinking everybody might have a point this year.

Then again, Norway is convinced Norway is going to win. Which is same procedure as every year. This time, there’s Alessandra, though. And she surely is our Italian viking queen. She’s already on some kind of high and still has time to reach the Rybak level of overexcitement. And then, who knows what will happen?

Row, row. row your viking boat all the way to Rome. Pic by Chloe Hashemi / EBU

Speaking of winning, we had high hopes for Austria. But must admit, we were a bit disappointed. They seem to be lacking energy. Maybe borrow some from Norway.

Once we got over the fact that he robbed us of Sunstroke Project, we are very happy Moldova‘s Pasha Parfeni has rejoined the circus. He’s rock solid with a chantable song, and we’re thinking this one could be a dark horse. Also, The Republic of Moldova could do with a few extra votes of sympathy for all they are going through at the threshold between Europe and evil, so get voting already. Or soon, anyway.

Spain dressed up in…her own period? Might be a feminist message we didn’t quite catch there. Pic by Chloe Hashemi/EBU.

Denmark has a very cute artist in a very cute suit that we’d definitely buy for our Barbie’s Ken. Reiley does his best and we quite like his approach. But the staging is, unfortunately, not doing him any favors. Where are the Danish designers when we need them?

Ireland is absolutely the worst thing we’ve ever seen on a Eurovision stage. Which is a sentence we say every year. But this year it is actually true. More than ever.

Apparently, Romania‘s Theodor Andrei keeps changing his socks. The fact that EBU made a press update about this, tells you all about the quality of this little piece.

Wow! So happy we get these updates straight to our inboxes.

Serbia‘s Luke Black is quickly becoming a favorite of ours. Emerging from his giant oyster/lobster/spaceship, screaming like Alice Cooper’s wicked little brother, and creating heartwarming, electronic noise, he really is something special. There are Cezar qualities to this, we’d say. More, please!

When you have a giant lobster and discover Israel has a unicorn. That feeling. Pic by EBU.

After traveling Europe and the USA, showcasing more fabulous Versace leather catsuits than in Paula Selling’s wettest dreams, Italy‘s Marco Mengoni showed up onstage in the bathroom curtains of your average 70s spaghetti disco. Interesting choice. But we’re hoping this is just his equivalent of fooling around in worn-out sweatpants while good old Donatella is still stitching the final details on her most elaborate creation ever. Let’s pray she finishes in time.

What do you mean there is no conductor in Eurovision? WHERE is il maestro Giovanni? Pic by Sarah Louise Bennett/EBU

And speaking of Big 5. This was more or less our conversation about France:

  • GEE: France is pretty good
  • Also GEE: But never mind. France will probably stay true to tradition, once so painfully demonstrated with beloved Amir, and totally ruin everything in the staging.
  • France: Hold my beer:
Yo, Donatella! In case you forgot who invented haute couture: Here are 20 meters of dress pour vouz. Pic by Sarah Louise Bennett/EBU

And speaking of outfits. There’s really no excuse for Germany:

Pic by Chloe Hashemi/EBU. Poor thing.

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