Ah, che meraviglia! This has been some week. Our heads are still full of Italian phrases and standing ovations and we are extremely impressed by the Italian endurance in what truly is a marathon of a contest only to teach us the lesson we knew already: It ain’t over until Marco Mengoni wins.
Then again, we are used to Eurovision, of course, so we followed most of it and were super happy. We noticed a lot of awards being handed out in Sanremo for the sake of good sponsorship. And we wouldn’t want to miss out on that opportunity, so we have some awards to hand out ourselves:
Best everything, everywhere, all the time:
Ovviamente, Marco Mengoni, stunning not only Italians but people across Europe with his sincere delivery of an honest, strong message and a voice we haven’t heard the likes of since Enrico Caruso. Add a Versace catsuit in leather that would make Paula Selling cry, an incredible ability to share his feelings whether he is crying in the press conference or nervous onstage, and an instinct that makes him applaud other artists, kneel down in front of his fans and dedicate his award to female artists, and he’s truly unbeatable.
We have been dreaming of Marco Mengoni’s return to Eurovision for ten years now and we’re happy he came back with an entry so very true to himself and his own style. Europe couldn’t hope for a better song or better man than this. We love you, Marco. Just like everyone else does. STANDING OVATION!
Best achievement in addition to Marco:
Amadeus. We mean, seriously. We’ve just been through 2.659 hours of show in just around five days, and while we have been able to sleep a little on the couch in between, mainly while Mr. Rain was singing and while someone famous was giving a 45-minute monologue in Italian that was a wee beyond our Duo Lingo skills, Amadeus kept going during the whole thing. The way he managed to keep the spirit up, cheering just as much for ALL the 28 artists, being just as friendly to five alternating co-hosts, clueless guest artists, demented blasts from the past, presidents of occupied countries, actors, comedians, directors, models and teenagers with anger issues is nothing but deeply admirable. Does anyone know what central stimulants he is on and can someone send a little to Norway, please?
We hope all Swedish producers watched this and made notes. There is no greater presenter this side of the planet. Please bring him to Liverpoool, would you?
Lost opportunity of Sanremo:
Blanco, when trying to excuse himself for wrecking the whole stage and attacking his musicians due to a poorly functioning in-ear monitor. He should have just said that he was angry about Putin or Italy’s poor LGBT rights or the rapid climate changes, and he would have emerged as a woke, bright kid instead of a poor kid with anger management issues. Or actually, scrap that. We prefer punks and hope Blanco returns soon to Sanremo, maybe sans flowers.
Most meh moment:
Rosa Chemical, grabbing Fedez from the audience and kissing him. Fedez is married to one of the presenters, Chiara, someone tweeted a video of her looking mad and now the Italians are conspiring online. While we always welcome a little controversy, this only felt blunt and pointless, to be honest. And we absolutely loved Rosa Chemical without Fedez.
Biggest accomplishment:
Måneskin, managing to have sir Tom Morello join them onstage. We have absolutely no clue who slept with whom to make this happen, but we salute them. Over and over.
Biggest surprise:
Gino Paoli, singing his song (and also one of the greatest songs in Italian music history), Il cielo in una stanza. Imagine our shock, we didn’t even know that man was still alive. But the fact that we still enjoyed this coming from him at 88, says something about the greatness of both the man and the song. Can’t wait for Marco to sing his song in 2077. We’ll still be watching, of course.
Also, there is an LGBT point to be made here, but we’ll leave it for later as we move on to:
The largest scandal of the final:
That no women were in the top five is nothing but a scandal, and should cause Rai to do some thorough investigations. That neither Madame nor Giorgia made it to the top five is very sad, and we were also hoping for a better result for sweetheart Ariete. We quote Marco: There is still a lot to do in this country.
The best song that didn’t win:
Madame: Il bene nel male. No further comment.
Best reminder that food is even more important than music:
Ornella (88), giving a long speech about how she loves artichokes, but not in Milan. We totally agree, and the season is coming up now. Let’s all head to Rome!
Best truth of Sanremo:
Marco Mengoni, singing “Tanto io so che tu non dormi, dormi, dormi, dormi, dormi mai” (I know you never sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep), which couldn’t be more accurate after five whole days straight of Sanremo, including shows from 8 pm to 2/3 am. Over 12 million people were watching according to Rai. Don’t Italians have day jobs? We for sure wish we didn’t this week.
Worst product placement:
The Vatican in Mr. Rain’s song:
Worst accident waiting to happen:
Marco Mengoni, entering EuroClub after the fanboys google translates his lyrics about fucking outside a club.
Best pre-show moment:
That would be this one, with Marco Mengoni and his bassist/conductor/producer/everything else Giovanni Pallotti:
We’re very happy Marco has a man-bun in his life. He sure is going to need some extra support as he greets the fans in Liverpool, who are already heating up online.
Grazie Mille, Italia, for bringing yet another great entry to Eurovision. And this time you settled for nothing but the very best artist there is. We’ll support you with everything we have. A dopo! A Liverpool!