What we noticed in Eurovision 2022 so far

Ser du hvem som skjuler seg bak Subwoolfer? – Melodi Grand Prix –  Eurovision Song Contest – NRK
And what would be your preferred pronouns?

We finally recovered from 350 hours of SanRemo festival and 50 000 hours of continuous viewings of Mahmood and Blanco on YouTube and realized there is more to life than Italy, at least for a couple of weeks. And this weekend there’s a lot of exciting national finals coming up, including our own!

Here’s what we noticed in Eurovision so far:

Last weekend, the Baltics decided on who to send to Italy, and they might just save themselves the hassle and stay home.

First of all, we need to talk about Latvia. How on earth is it even possible that we’ve been through five years of continuous metoo-scandals with all kinds of guidelines made and all sorts of talents removed from the screen and all sorts of lessons learned and this country still manage to send five men singing about eating pussy instead of meat? Apparently, misogyny is the new thing over there. Also noticed they are trying to sound like SunStroke Project, which they totally do not. We suggest Moldova spend their entire national budget on suing Citi zēni for blasphemy.

Yeah, yeah, in EuroClub we usually stick to meat

Lithuania have an ok lady. But Monika Liu cannot be excused for robbing Lolita Zero of her victory, nor for being a snoozefest. Estonia has a cowboy that sounds a bit like Garth Brooks, which is never a good thing. But he works pretty well on mute:

On second thought: Estonia is most welcome to Turin

We noticed very many things going on in Ukraine, which has kept us extremely busy lately, both with trying to keep ourselves updated on the current situation and with correcting Norwegian media, who continuously kept reporting the wrong things. But what the heck, so does most of Russia as well.

We’re really sorry Alina Pash decided not to participate, as she probably could have won the whole thing. But going to Kyiv next year might not be a smart thing, so maybe we’re better off, as Jens Stoltenberg would say. Now crossing our fingers for Kalush orchestra.

In other news, RAI revealed the Eurovision 2022 stage today and it may be the ugliest thing we’ve seen this week, apart from the lyrics of Tix’s latest single that is. Mamma Mia, if this is the most visually compelling the Italians can muster, we fear they are starting to lose their touch. Where is Gucci when you need them?

Sooo… This is probably how it will look like when Subwoolfer takes to the stage. The famous someone barfed up bananas scenography.

Back to Moldova: They have a great song this year about a train ride. It’s 100 per cent political, which is 100 per cent why we love it. We’re hoping for a win for them soon, as going to Chisinau is very high on our bucket list. Also: Wishing all the TV presenters good luck pronouncing Zdob şi Zdub & Fraţii Advahov.

And as we are getting close to the weekend there are exciting elections coming up in Norway and Denmark as well as in one of our favorite countries Malta.

The latter presents many of the usual suspects. And one bloke we haven’t see before who we totally love for singing in the weirdest language in the world formerly known as Maltese. Let’s hear it for Aidan in Malta Eurovision Song Contest elfejn u tnejn u għoxrin.

We did take a look at Sweden and Denmark, but we didn’t notice anything. So we moved on to Norway. And we must say there’s only one thing to really notice here: The glorious Subwoolfer. Now if our fellow countrymen and -women and -other don’t send this with us to Turin, we might never forgive them. Or at least apply for Italian citizenship or something.

When Subwoolfer start handing out bananas in EuroClub you know where to find us!

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