Woha, we managed to finish the marathon. Meaning five endless nights of Sanremo festival, with the addition of a final in Israel and national semifinals in countries such as Sweden, Norway and various others. Time to catch up on some sleep before we go back to our real jobs. But first: Here are the awards of the Norwegian jury for the first amazing weekend of the season.
Absolutely best part of the evening: Mahmood and Blanco, in all their performances and for winning the competition. We reckon Italy is going for a double in Turin. And we wouldn’t mind one single bit.
Second best part of the evening: Marco Mengoni, showing up on stage, singing his 2013 winner L’Essenziale. In case we didn’t make ourselves clear at a previous stage: WE ABSOULUTELY LOVE MARCO MENGONI. HE IS TOTALLY UTTERLY FANTASTIC AND THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO EUROVISION. IF WE COULD BUY HIM FOR MONEY WE WOULD SPEND ALL OUR SAVINGS IN AN INSTANT. Luckily, there were 10 minutes of commercial break after his performance, or we wouldn’t have made it through the evening alive.
Best sigh of relief of the evening: Marco Mengoni’s bodyguards, when realizing we were not in the audience nor backstage nor in the press center nor in Italy at all.
Second best sigh of relief of the evening: Us, realizing Israel picked a totally rubbish song for Eurovision. We figure Mossad won’t easily let us into the country after last time, so it’s just as well they don’t win.
Best lessons learnt during the evening: Mahmood, bringing a bike onstage, while wearing a long, tight skirt. We could have told him that wouldn’t work.
Worst scandal of the evening: Sweden, not being able to send Omar to the final. What a disaster. We are currently gathering an army of 100 000 soldiers at the border, who will stand there and look angry until they change their minds. Someone bring in the Crown Prince before it is too late!
Best accomplishment of the entire Sanremo season: Roberto Saviano, showing up on stage, holding a 30 minutes speech on how much he doesn’t like the mafia and managing to get out of there alive.
Best banana moment: Sweden, singing “I am bananas”. Right after Norway sang “Someone give that woolf a banana”. Problem solved, we’d say.
Worst banana moment: Marco Mengoni, scratching his balls again on stage. We’re thinking we shouldn’t sleep with him. He might have crabs. Come to think of it, we would still sleep with him. And happily deal with the consequences.
Most predictable move of the evening: Blanco, running down the audience to hug his mom when he won. How very Italian of him. Also a little shocked by the fact that his mom seems to be our age, so we made a few notes to ourselves for Turin. But guess they start early down in Brescia.
Most likely outfit to go straight on our Euroclub Mood Board: Veronica Lucchesi’s outfit by Moschino. already picturing ourselves rocking the dance floor in those pink strappy boots (praying that H&M make copies before May).
Heaviest outfit of the evening: worn by Irama, who decided to pop by Staples with a magnet before going on stage:
Best outfit ever worn onstage in a national semi final: Mahmood on cover night. We cannot for the sake of alta moda understand why he didn’t wear this in the final. But maybe he was afraid Patty Pravo would jump him. We would have used the opportunity, for sure:
Most likely to catch Covid after this: Patty Pravo, as almost all of the artists were molesting her during their performances with hugs and kisses and God knows what. That should teach her to never pick a front row seat again.
Best interpreter of the evening: Whoever this guy was, talking for Subwoolfer. We get it. We also struggle with Gaute Ormåsen’s dialect
Lifetime achievement award: Sanremo host Amadeus. While NRK had 3 people for 1 hour, he led us through just about 3000 hours of music festival all by himself. There are not enough flowers in Sanremo to make up for it.