What we noticed in the grand final 2021

The guitarist in Måneskin was absolutely devastated when he realized the GEE ladies wouldn’t be at the afterparty. Pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU

OMAGA, that was some nerve wrecking final. It was the first final we haven’t attended live for years, and we were even forced to be apart. One of the worst results of Covid if you ask us, which you probably shouldn’t.

Guri celebrated with a bunch of kids, and it was not so different from the press center. Someone were running around screaming the final starts in 10 minutes, someone knew all of the artists’ dances by heart, two young queens where summoning Mata Hari and someone was very surprised when Germany didn’t win. All hail the children’s teacher Siri, who made Eurovision a part of their education. Why didn’t this happen when we grew up?

25 glorious acts did their best at performing and Iceland played their Oscar winning video once again.

No major hick-ups or scandals to report on during the show, apart from perhaps UK’s and Germany’s performances, the less that’s said about it the better. And Moldova‘s Natalia dropped her mike. Her dancers quickly picked it up as a mic drop didn’t seem appropriate. But let’s award a few points for that quick response. Clearly, we put the wrong dancers on our hotlist.

Favorites Malta and Switzerland performed in the first half and both did well, they could have won despite the unlucky draw, if only people had bothered to vote for them. At least the Maltese can blame the EBU for not winning, instead of coming to terms with the fact that Je Me Casse wasn’t mustard cutting material.

The second half of the final was so chuck full of favorites and bangers we could’t even pop off to the kitchen to refill the crisp bowl until Sweden came on second last.

When Bulgaria came on, the kids immediately asked if we could fast forward over that one. That’s what running in your PJs does to you.

We are lighting a candle for the poor elf Kate had to skin to complete her stage outfit. Pic by Andres Putting/EBU

Ukraine‘s Go_A did the best performance of the evening and we think they should have gotten more points from the jury. But maybe they didn’t see the hit potential in 3 minutes of screaming directly from Chernobyl. Or maybe didn’t know our urge to get back to the Georgian restaurants of Kyiv.

Ground control to Senhit, tomorrow you can go back to wearing cotton. Pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU

When the voting started it quickly became clear that 2021 would become a year for the history books. And we’re not only thinking about Carola’s effort as the Swedish spokesperson. The jury votes went all over the place and we are pretty impressed by just how many jury members Kirkorov seems to have on speed dial. Besides, we are genuinely curious about what it actually means to be a music industry professional in a few countries.

Switzerland‘s Gjón’s Tears told us he only cared about the jury votes, obviously completely oblivious of the certain lack of professionalism. And clearly, someone forgot to tell him about the rules of this competition. But well done beating France in the jury run with a French ballad.

And in the end the best won, which is but a rarity in Eurovision. Still traumatized from our experience with his royal highness Marco Mengoni, followed by the decapitation of Francesco Gabbani, Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro and Mahmood, we were afraid to believe a win for Italy would actually happen in our lifetime, but we of course clinged to our hope, dressed up in the Italian flag and cheered like crazy, once again. And FINALLY Europe understood what country is the best. Never have we been more sorry to miss an afterparty in our lives. Måneskin even made the press conference seem fun:

Damiano displaying adequate control of his blow. Pic by Andres Putting/EBU

There was another victory also, the one for Sweden, for being the worst losers – an award they’ve managed to hold on to for several years straight now. Tusse did his best, we reckon, but he barely made it to the final, so when he runs around in Swedish media saying Europe let him down and didn’t do their job, it comes across as a little…unclassy, to say the least. What happened to forgetting those haters?

Aftonbladet focused their press coverage of the final on Damiano David from Måneskin‘s alleged cocaine abuse, following a picture of him bending down over the table in Green Room. Now, we have often saluted their journalist Tobbe Ek for being the only journalist in the press conferences with real questions. But this time he was acting completely rubbish. As for said allegations, we have to say that if Damiano snorts his powder this fast with no hands, we’re totally impressed and he should get tested for super powers.

As someone said on YouTube: They weren’t high, they were Italians. We advise Tobbe Ek to travel and see the world a bit, we all got a little too much family time during Covid restrictions. In social media people are saying Eurovision winners should be role models. If our kid turn out anything like Carola, we will call a psychiatrist immediately, is our answer.

Also, we noticed Måneskin are ready to get tasted:

The Italian delegation should know better than to makes us aware of this, but we are already on a direct flight to Rome, of course. We’ll take them medium rare.

To quote Verdi: Avrai tu l’universo, resti l’italia a noi. A dopo! A ROMA!

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