Recap of second semi final’s first rehearsals 2021

Fashion icon Senhit. Literally. Goes straight on our mood board for what to wear in Euroclub next year. Pic by EBU/Andres Putting

The rehearsal bonanza in Rotterdam continues. In fact, the participants take turn rehearsing every single day, without us being there on the ground reporting about it. So we guess we have to keep up and give you a run-through of our impressions after the participants in the second semi-final has taken to the stage for the first time. Not sure what to do with the rest of our day though. Slamming down vodkashots in the comfort of our own homes can’t really replace going apeshit in Euroclub, but it will have to do for now.

San Marino: Senhit – Adrenalina

San Marino read the Covid-19 instructions to Eurovision a little to literally and covered the entire faces of their dancers on stage. What a lost opportunity for a country populated by beautiful people.

Estonia: Uku Suviste – The Lucky One

Untying your bowtie before hitting the stage is a cheap trick, but guess they’re cheap for a reason. We found a candidate for our hotlist immediately. Let’s hope he is not struck by lightning first.

Czech Republic: Benny Cristo – omaga

And we have a man in a golden sequined jacket onstage. Benny and his guys are serious contenders in the best dressed Eurovision artist competition indeed, as he got his outfit from the glorious Czech designer Jiri Kalfar. Note to self: Put this guy on our list for the next time GEE needs to pick a house designer. Oh my God, as Benny would say. (This comment is not sponsored by Jiri, but we welcome his approach).

Greece: Stefania – Last Dance

Following up with a few sequins sponsored by Target for the sake of working class appeal. Stefania sings about a last dance, and indeed, her movements are resembling our movements when we are a little tired after 12 nights in a row in EuroClub. One would think Greece could summon Terpsichore and do a little better.

Austria: Vincent Bueno – Amen

Is this what you wanted? Vincent the not so Bueno asks. No thanks, we’re good, we would answer.

Poland: RAFAŁ – The Ride

This guy looks like Tor Endresen in his early days and sounds like Ketil Stokkan before they tore down that wall. Both would be so much more welcome than this.

Moldova: Natalia Gordienko – SUGAR

We forgot to follow Natalia on this one, as we discovered FOUR NEW CANDIDATES for our hotlist in the back there. Dear Moldova, we sincerely thank you for your endless flow of incredible men into this competition. It’s amazing how much you manage to squeeze out of a national budget the size of our prime minister’s toe nail. And vice versa. Currently vacuuming the internet for vacancies in Chișinău.

Iceland: Daði og Gagnamagnið – 10 Years

You ever wondered where Ovi’s circular piano ended up? Look no further, turns out Iceland bought it on eBay and cut it in three. We just recently received intel telling us that green is the kiss of death in Eurovision. Does this mean Iceland must kiss the grand final goodbye? We don’t think they should worry too much about that, we’re more worried for Latvia, to be honest.

Serbia: Hurricane – Loco Loco

Rehearsals are fun. Some entries make a very needed improvement to defend their spot in the final. Others…just defend the right of being in the final even though you are a ginormous load of crap. Flowers grow from compost after all.

Georgia: Tornike Kipiani – You

Never mind the missing outfit, it’s probably lost in KLM transfer and we can relate. But with an architect on stage, at least Georgia should understand the meaning of correct lightning instead of leaving their artist in the dark.

Albania: Anxhela Peristeri – Karma

We desperately want Albania to win as we need a cheap destination to go to next year. As always, the Albanians are most hesitant to oblige. But the final needs at least one big Balkan ballad and in that department, they deliver the goods.

Portugal: The Black Mamba – Love Is On My Side

Dapper blokes alert! We snoozed off during this snippet. Not sure if that’s a good sign.

Bulgaria: VICTORIA – Growing Up Is Getting Old

Bulgaria offer a welcome break from sequin studded leotards, rhinestone covered swimming suits and glittery ice-skating frocks. VICTORIA looks almost the same as we did in our teens when we should have gone out partying in skimpy see-through dresses the size of a post stamp instead of T-shirts the size of a double bedsheet and oversized combat pants. Clearly, she’s not planning on doing a bunch of crazy shit BEFORE she grows old.

Finland: Blind Channel – Dark Side

This goes pretty much like this: Shout, shout, shout. Growl. Repeat for three minutes. We’re usually up for rock in Eurovision, but there’s just something about this one that makes us think the blokes in Blind Channel should rather cut their hair and get a real job instead of trying to scare the living daylights out of a curated selection of Wiwi-bloggers.

Latvia: Samanta Tīna – The Moon Is Rising

The Latvian women wins the prize for this year’s most mustard-keen participant hands-down and is currently balancing on the wrong side of overdoing it. She invites women to not be afraid of themselves and of being different. We’re can happily report that we’re not particularly afraid of ourselves, but we do find Samanta a wee bit scary, to be honest.

Switzerland: Gjon’s Tears – Tout l’Univers

Switzerland does not only have a killer tune this year; they also have a performance to go with it. We are thrilled and think this one might win now. And someone give us the number to Gjon’s designer real quick, we need that blouse to survive yet another week of Zoom meetings.

Denmark: Fyr Og Flamme – Øve Os På Hinanden

Denmark delivered an impressive rehearsal, with very charming guys in great outfits, and in spite of the fact that we hate the song, we are now starting to like them a little. Give us a week and they’ll be among our favorites. We fear Denmark will plow their way into the final and that Norway won’t, and we are already working on feeding our tabloids the headlines. How about “Denmark is still colonizing Norway”, “Denmark spat in the face of all disabled people” or “The Nordic battle of Waterloo”?

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