What we noticed at Melodifestivalen

– According to Folkhälsomyndigheten, if you wear this amount of clothes, you are more likely to get the famous Corona virus

In GEE headquarters, we might not be world famous for our love of Sweden. After all we are a)Not easily impressed by teenagers with slick backs and standard formula songs and b)Norwegian, thus born with a wide, not-so-pleasant vocabulary specifically meant for people across our holy border, apologies delivered and accepted, and c)still a bit grumpy about that Jämtland and Herjedalen thing.

Then again, there’s good things going on in the Eastern outskirts of Norway occasionally. They are the home of knytblus and a whole family of Skarsgård men and Fotografiska museum. Oh, and Sir Thomas G:Son. So we figured it was worth taking a look at. This is our humble opinion of the participants in this year’s Melodifestivalen, in running order. If they are not put in corona quarantine by Saturday, that is.

Victor Crone is demonstrating what to do if you are suddenly attacked by the Corona virus

Victor Crone – “Troubled Waters”

Last year Victor Crone went on and on about that storm and now he’s warning you about troubled waters? We kinda predicted that one. Victor is very charming and all, but we’re a little disappointed in the song this year. Then again, you know us. We might run into him in an after party, he might share his beer with us and all of the sudden he is our favorite.

Paul Rey – “Talking In My Sleep”

Talented guy with an independent style doing a decent performance? We cannot possibly see the Swedes choosing this as representative for them.

The Mamas – “Move”

These mamas were in Eurovision last year, only now they got rid of the douche, which was a wise choice. Great singers with great style, but the gospel is a bit too heavy this time of year and the song is a bit too forgettable.

Mohombi – “Winners”

According to Wikipedia this guy is Congolese and grew up in the outskirts of Stockholm, which teaches us a whole lot of new things about Swedish geography. Again, talented guy, boring song. Less chance of winning than a Russian in Ukraine.

– This is how many people got the Corona virus in Stockholm so far

Hanna Ferm – “Brave”

This one’s apparently a favorite. Looking away from that fabulous teal dress of hers, we struggle to understand why. Then again, we don’t understand Swedish meatballs and Stureplan either.

Méndez feat. Alvaro Estrella – “Vamos Amigos”

Guess every national final needs some latin rhythms and bad Spanish. Unfortunately. This should be the theme song of all the Swedes that are permanently stuck in Gran Canaria. Good riddance.

Dotter – “Bulletproof”

Finally, there’s someone good. Great voice and breathing. Catchy, modern tune. Fun rhythms. We’re all for it. One thing, though: “Shoot me in the middle, where my heart’s supposed to be”??? Might we get some anatomy classes in the East, please?

– And if you pray for me, I promise you won’t get the Corona virus

Robin Bengtsson – “Take A Chance”

OMG, Robin is such a great reunion. He truly is a great artist and we cannot stop singing his song, which should be good news for everyone that is not too close to us. There’s some shouting in the middle there that make him look like a revolutionary, but knowing his type, he’s probably just saluting his fabulous new shirt.

Mariette – “Shout It Out”

Here’s another one by Sir G:Son and this one’s a lot better, albeit slightly generic. Bound to create a lot of noise in Globen, but we’re not sure Mariette will make it across Skagerrak, unfortunately.

– You drink Corona beer? Are you stupid?

Felix Sandman – “Boys With Emotions”

Oh, bliss. We have been in love with Felix since we saw him making love to an older woman in the Netflix series “Hjem til jul”. Guess there is hope for everyone. Also, his song is super great. What a multi talent. Can you please send this to Rotterdam, guys?

Anna Bergendahl – “Kingdom Come”

We remember Anna Bergendahl. She became the queen of Swedish sulking when she didn’t reach the final in Oslo, and that title has serious competition. Too bad Thomas G:Son is wasted on her, we’d say.

Anis Don Demina – “Vem e som oss”

The only song in Swedish in the final is a rap about ice hockey. A truly Swedish thing. Let’s keep it that way, shall we?

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