Puha! After a few uncomfortable questions from Mossad about things such as what the actual f… made us cheer for Estonia all of a sudden, the exact position of Victor’s very interesting scarf at this moment, whether Gaza is Israel or… and why we haven’t helped recruiting members for Benjamin’s very empty government among the Eurovision fans, we made it out of our gated community also known as Israel and can fire up our freedom of press again and go back to wearing cotton.
Yesterday was nothing short of glorious, of course. We started up with a coffee with our favorite reader Anne in Jaffa while the Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet made a whole lot of fuss about themselves not showing up in the press center. Apparently, they feared for the journalists’ security after two non-journalists made it past the security check and into the press center one evening. They should know this is normal in Eurovision. Around 50 non-journalists from Wiwibloggs do it many times a day for at least two weeks every year.
Even though we just celebrated our independence day, the Norwegians continue behaving like the Swedes, so that meant no major Norwegian media in the press center for the final. This was a problem, as it meant a lot less interviews opportunities for us while strutting around in the danger zone in our finest gear.
The situation solicited immediate action, so the EBU stated they would make security “more visible”. Anyone who’s tried to steal as much as a fridge magnet in the souk of Jerusalem, knows the most important security in Israel is what you don’t see, and that Benjamin is completely updated on what Tobbe Ek had for breakfast, so we get why upping the actual security wasn’t an issue. But we appreciate Sir Jon Ola upping visibility by hiring 1.379 fashion models dressed as hunky security guards and placing them all around us on the final day. Four of them sat next to our seats in the arena for some reason and mainly spent their time taking pictures of Bar Refaeli with their iPhones. She is probably their biggest role model.
We, on the other hand, watched the show. It was fantastic. We had our 397 Icelandic flags for the fantastic Hatari and the Hungarian flag for Joci, just to remind Belarus a transaction must have been made. The voting was so exciting we peed a little, and we were super psyched for North Macedonia getting all those votes. It was super smart to change the name of the country into something people actually remembers. Norway were our real winners, though, and they showed everyone it is still worth listening to the people.
Also, Madonna performed. As predicted, she got very few jury votes. That should teach her to rehearse like proper artists. And in the end, she was disqualified for showing the flag of one of Israel’s less attractive neighborhoods.
We were a bit disappointed that Duncan the boring Dutchman won, but at least that meant we could go straight to EuroClub instead of attending the winner’s press conference. And we are really happy for The Netherlands all the same. They have been so close a couple of times and we can’t wait to go to Amsterdam. Justice for Douwe Bob!
Afterwards, we went to the press center, where Guri had to sing the Italian song on BBC. We now get why many people think it is a danger zone. In the meantime, Keiino did some interviews with all the members of Norwegian press that predicted they would fail to qualify from the semi-final. Must have been almost as fun as beating Sweden.
Then we all went to EuroClub, where we hooked up with UK’s Michael Rice. We told him we love his dialect and were so unhappy he got so few votes as he deserved a lot more. He said something about Brexit. And a whole lot of other things we didn’t understand a word of. But we smiled and waved and posed for a picture.
From EuroClub we took a cab straight to aforementioned Airport Mossad, where Guri only had to show her accreditation badge from “international media outlet Namdalsavisa”, exactly like in the press center. Astrid, on the other hand, had to show a slideshow of pictures on her mobile from her Eurovision week for thorough investigation. This would have been useful to know in advance, as we now fear for our reputation with Benjamin. He probably thinks we are a couple of crazy women who hook up with new Eurovision men every night and skip food for liquid bread formerly known as beer. Or scrap that, he probably knew that already. Also, Mossad asked if we had been abroad while in Israel, for instance to the West Bank. We felt like giving a little geography lesson, but were running a little late, and found it best to say “no” and just smile and wave.
On our way home, we stopped by Istanbul for a brief meeting with Erdogan. We told him it is time for Turkey to up their game, stop harassing San Marino with their garbage and take part in Eurovision again. We need a cheap nation with good music taste to host soon, and now that we are well trained in working in countries with interesting political views, Istanbul 2021 shouldn’t pose a single problem. Bring on that Düm Tek Tek!