What we noticed on the first day of rehearsals

Clearly #metoo are yet to reach Tel Aviv (Photos by: goes without saying, the one and only Andres Putting!)

Yay, the rehearsals officially started in Tel Aviv today and even tough we are not there on the ground quite yet it is looking absolutely fabulous already. Never mind those 90 missiles fired in the hood. Here’s what we really noticed:

  • Cyprus decided to show us just how little clothes you need to pack if next year’s finals are in Aiya Napa. There’s a fabulous costume change, and since this happens already in the first number we fear it can only go downhill from here. Tamta has clearly been practicing her strutting with Eleni. 
  • Lake Malawi seem to have picked up advise on how to stage their entry from our review: a classic band set-up with the band members pretending to be playing their instruments and the lead singer thinking he’s interesting enough to be the center of attention. He will probably goof around and shout to the audience like he’s doing a live gig and be completely clueless of what actually works on TV. We’d love to say “we told you so!”
  • Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman is telling us to look away. Best advise you’ll ever get when watching Finland perform, we reckon. We can’t imagine how it must feel like to watch this for the first time, totally unprepared. Ah, poor those semifinal-only watchers.
  • Tulia from Poland goes pretty much like this: shout, shout, shout. *Pouty lips*. A bit like us for three years straight in junior high, in other words.
  • The Slovenian Brangelina couple, ZalaGasper is giving a voice to all the introverts of the world. As any of them have the slightest interest whatsoever in having a voice. 
  • Montenegro sent the entire Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir onstage. Due to an acute attack of dyscalculia they messed up their spot in the running order. Must fix before next Tuesday. Did not get the memo about prohibited items in the arena as half of them wore Montenegrin banners around their neck. Perhaps we can bring our Palestinian flags after all?
  • Joci Papai is doing really well and there’s a LOT of gold onstage [enter politically incorrect pun about the Roma people]. First goosebumps moment in TLV! 
  • Belarusian Warrior Princess ZENA is wearing white Pretty Woman-boots, which is totally appropriate for a 16-year old. Or could be she took “break a leg” a bit too literally and had to hit the stage with both legs in plaster cast. Must investigate further as soon as we get better footage from the rehearsals. 
  • Nevena from Serbia is channeling her inner Balkan Bitch like there’s no tomorrow and we are absolutely loving it. Someone’s bound to set up a Twitter account for that leg of hers before we reach the semi-final next Tuesday. Heck, we will probably do it ourselves.
A recipe for disaster: THREE Balkan Bitches on stage at the same time.

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