We’ve reached the entry in this year’s competition it’s impossible to agree on. Is Australia totally, utter crap or is it in fact a masterpiece of epic proportions? So after weeks of shouty rows over Facebook chat without reaching any sort of agreement, here’s the split vote for you from the Good Evening Europe HQ. You can figure out yourselves which is the jury vote and which is the public vote.
10 reasons to hate the Australian entry:
- Perhaps the Aussies get a bit confused by being upside down there down under, but in case they haven’t noticed these bonkers entries never do well in Eurovision.
- It’s popera. Unless your name is Gianluca, Piero and Ignazio and you happen to be part of a certain Italian trio, just don’t.
- Kate Miller-Heidke wrote the song following her experience with post-natal depression after the birth of her son. Why couldn’t she just see a shrink to get that sorted like normal people do?
- If you absolutely need to throw everything but the kitchen sink on stage all at once, why don’t you try something that hasn’t been done before? Azerbaijan 2012, Moldova 2013, Estonia 2018 are jus a few previous performances that spring to mind on the top of our heads.
- We hate to be stating the obvious here, but last time we checked Australia was not part of Europe.
- And where is the freakin’ kangaroo, goddammit!
- Once, we accidentally pushed the volume up-button instead of the speed up-button while listening to the yelling part in our car. We immediately registered this experience with our medical doctor so we can claim insurance money for the tinnitus it is going to give us later in life. But we’ll never forgive the Aussies.
- It’s a major ear worm. You know when you have been trying to get it out of your head all day and you’re finally almost asleep and then Kate goes “Hey you! It’s me again!”. Yup, we hate her for it.
- We can’t go to Sydney for Eurovision 2020 after spending all our savings on tickets this year.
- And guess when your chorus goes “Ze-e-e-e-e-e-e–e-ero”, you deserve what you’re asking for.
10 reasons to love the Australian entry:
- Bonkers entries are ALWAYS great in Eurovision. What are we without them?
- It is popera. There can never be enough popera in the Eurovision final.
- It almost makes us feel like opera stars ourselves as we stand shouting Ze-e-he-he-he-e-he-he-heero in the shower. Heck, maybe that’s not a good thing when we get neighbours in Tel Aviv, come to think of it. They might think it is the siren and run for shelter.
- We are really so happy that Australia is ready to join Europe now that Britain has decided to leave. More kangaroos and less kidney pie to the people!
- This song will never be sung by the fanboys in karaoke. We hope.
- Kate has an amazing dress that lights up when she screams. Which she does a lot, God Bless.
- And did you see that diamond crown? She looks like the statue of liberty. Which should score her a lot of votes from USA. Or wait…
- There’s a woman on a stick! Pretty sure the Schlagerboys placed her there.
- And it is really exciting to see if the two women’s heads are going to crash at some point.
- Kate has an amazing way of doing arrogant little chin lifts that makes her look like Victoria Beckham in a royal wedding: