Not sure we need a replay

We get it. Following in Eleni‘s shoes is rather hard. In fact, we were all suffering from the post Eleni syndrome last year. We’d all gotten so use to that fiery lady swinging her red hair and shaking up our environment it was kind of hard to see her go.

No wonder, then, that Cyprus tries to recreate the formula: Hot, strong chick. Funky rhythms. Some well-placed shouting. Loads of echo and reverb. Ancient sounds from the beaches of Ayia Napa and/or the savanna of Zimbabwe. It should work just fine in said environment and in EuroClub, of course, but will it work in the semi finals and finals of Eurovision?

Not entirely sure. While we do not mind the resemblances to previous entries as much as those who make a living out of announcing plagiarism, it still feels a bit second grade. We catch ourselves hitting the pause button, blaming headache and upcoming menopause. And a replay is certainly NOT on the table.

In a year dominated by soft men, ethnic flutes and naked babies in water, this just feels a little too shouty, a little too insisting, very much photoshopped and way too little genuine and heartfelt. The lyrics are also drowning in bad metaphors and cheap rhyming. We mean: “Heart beats like an 808”? WTF? Who thought their drum machine had a heart? Is that a thing in Nicosia? And “You need my love on replay” sounds very much like a treat, very litte like a cute message.

In other terms, we are kind of ready to swipe left on this one. But then again, it is Cyprus, where only sky and Beyoncé is the limit. We know Cyprus will stage and promote the last drop out of this. Tamta will have Wiwi-boys cheering for her until not a soul in Tel Aviv can avoid her. And we will not be allowed to bring our noise cancelling headset into the arena, so we might as well enjoy.

Let’s just hope we can all survive yet another replay.

Following reports of an alarming high number of neck injuries due to hair swings among the youth of Ayia Napa, the health authorities of Cyprus demanded to keep all hair in its absolute place in this year’s Eurovision entry.


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