As the actual jury final tonight interrupts with our busy party schedule we watched the second dress rehearsal from the arena. Here’s what we noticed!
Norway: The fact that Alex is currently third in the press center poll where everybody hates his song with passion tells us that he’s in with a pretty good shot at winning the whole shebang.
Serbia: Did one of the best performances during this rehearsal. The TV people obviously decided to just cut the focus on the old dancing guy. Good brain.
San Marino: Jessica has a fabulous dress onstage, but leaves her rapper standing there in a robe, which feels a bit unfair. Justice for Jenny B!
Denmark: We obviously reached the point where we have no integrity left, because we loved this. It might be because they did great in this rehearsal. It might also be because eveywhere we go, they are there drinking. Or it might be their fabulous key change.
Russia: It seems Julia isn’t a part of her own act up there on stage, as they tend to focus on just about everything else. Maybe the Russian TV producers were afraid Julia wouldn’t be let into Portugal either and needed a backup plan?
Moldova: Apparently missed out on the #metoo campaign. Little resources can make you do real good things with a closet. But of course, where Philip Kirkorov is involved, nothing bad happens. It’s almost as if we expect a hunky Russian showing up, climbing all over the thing.
Netherlands: very good performance in a leopard jacket. We’re sure he isn’t a badder boy than Waylon Jennings, so we’ll leave our principles for now. As long as he doesn’t let his baby grow up to be cowboy.
Australia: We forgot that these guys were a part of the show for a while. Australia walked the blue carpet on Sunday dressed in a carpet and performs her entry dressed in a curtain. We’re guessing there’s not much textile left in her hotel room. We can’t figure out where the kangaroo is placed on stage this year.
Georgia: Our initial comment on this was “oh my”. Which isn’t a good sign, obviously. But they improved a little and we’re sure the cultural grannies of Europe will throw in a few votes once they get their iPhone up and running.
Poland: Nope, integrity is still intact, as we still can’t stand this. Poland rented a Swedish vocalist for this. Hope he comes with the same excellent return and refund policy we benefitted from the last time we changed our minds about the Billy shelf we bought at IKEA.
Malta: Did a great performance as always. We fear the staging is a little introvert, though. Where is that black panther from MESC?
Hungary: This is schlager metal at its very best, including a key change. They are ultrafantasticamazing live every single time and we can’t understand how the vocalist can preserve his voice throughout it all, as we are completely ruined after a night of screaming schlagers at the dance floor of EuroClub.
Latvia: In a sea of self motivational crap it’s kind of liberating with a song about being a loser trapped in the friend zone. Only it’s not particularly credible coming from a drop dead gorgeous bombshell in a striking red frock. Perhaps she just has a really off putting personality?
Sweden: Did very good, but feels like it is much longer than 3 minutes. Typical Swedes to bend the rules of EBU, but it’s fine with us as we could both watch and listen to Benjamin for a long time.
Montenegro: This Montenegrin has four brides to choose between. Where is Moldova’s closet when you really need it?
Slovenia: We love this cool chick. Music stopped half way, which she handled very professionally. Guess we know which entry Jimmy Jump should choose to interupt.
Ukraine: Melovin starts off his performance in Russian custody, guess those Russians arn’t too crazy about his song. Help, help, someone get the fire extinguisher!