What we noticed in the in the rehearsals, day 1

“Shoot! Did we forget to tell him they removed that soft landing mattress?” (Pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU)

OMG, we’ve just lived through the first day of rehearsals in Lisbon and it was awful. Now, there’s a sentence we’d never thought we’d say.

First things first: It’s been a long winter. The arena looks great. So do the artists. And it is amazing to finally kick things off in Lisbon. That’s not why we are upset. All the awfulness relates to one single event: The fact that Czech Republic’s fabulous artist Mikolas Josef is hospitalized. Apparently he has a prolapse in his back. For a minute there we found just a hint of amusement in the fact that it was an artist born mid 90s who got the prolapse, but that was just our dark sense of humor playing us a trick.

In reality, we are in deep emotional distress. We were so ready for the fantastic Mikolas to win now. He was our new superman. If we were his mothers, we never would have forced him to wear his backpack onstage. He now claims he will perform no matter what, and we sincerely hope that happens, because a final without him would be a giant step and a high somersault backwards for mankind. Worst case, we’re sure there’s room in the paralympics section with Russia.

Anyway. Through all our motherly tears, we did notice a few other things during the rehearsals:

  • The stage has a construction of white panels that looks like a combination of a whale skeleton and giant dentures. Haven’t yet deciphered the meaning of this. Must read up on the press material.
  • Azerbaijan is the first ones to rehearse. Wonder what they payed for that. Glad to see she brought her bathing suit, but she should know white turns transparent when jumping the Tejo. Stage is looking great, though. Like it was tailor made for Edmund Hillary.
  • Iceland‘s Ari Ólafsson is looking very sharp in a white suit with red details. He’s certainly making the most of what little he has. Well done.
  • LIthuania’s artist Ieva Zasimauskaitė climbed up above the lightning rig. Clearly, she didn’t read the instructions either.
  • Sennek from Belgium has a dress that is totally see-through. Don’t tell her, it’s kind of funny. And there ain’t anything else funny about her.
  • Then Albania happened. My, oh my, Albania. They have a vocalist in a snakeskin jacket with eyelets. And an entire rock band in matching jacket whose sole job is to look delicious while pretending to play. And man, are they good at what they are doing.
  • As you might have guessed, Czech Republic‘s Mikolas Josef did a somersault. We sincerely hope this will happen again. But note to the Czech delegation: This becomes less risky with a trampoline onstage. And note to self: Do not try this in EuroClub.
  • As predicted Israel‘s Netta stood completely still in a nightgown pushing a few buttons, which upset the fans. We do not have a winner. Yet.
  • ALEKSEEV from Belarus is on some sort of raising platform. Betcha he didn’t know that was the elevator for the camera man.
  • Estonia‘s lady is in her hightech dress and she’s our kind of woman. There’s a saying in Tallinn stating that if you are to dress in something fancy, there’s nothing like putting the entire stage floor on. We agree.
  • Bulgaria showed up with Equinox, and clearly they did read the press material, because their entry is called Bones.

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