San Marino, the mean hit machine

If we were to use an automatic hitgenerator for Eurovision (other than the familiar one from IKEA country), we figure this is what it would make:

San Marino is one of those interesting places you never hear of, unless you are going from Bologna to Ancona on A 14 and accidentally pass a country along the way or if you are indeed in Eurovision, where we tend to hear a lot about it. It’s rather charming that a hillside village managed to secure their own place in this contest. We really do appreciate their presence and their effort. They might only have qualified for the grand final once, but so has Czech Republic, so there’s hope for them.

Sadly, though, that hope must wait patiently until next year. This year San Marino’s entry sounds exactly how we fear the entire contest might sound like in 2070, when avatars have taken over the world and the songs are automatically generated based on lousy algorithms from the next Marc Zuckerberg and copyrighted by Sweden in the name of sustainability. There’s a little Måns Zelmerlöw here, a little Lady Gaga there and a few notes of Katy Perry for good measure. And just as you are getting used to the idea, in comes a rapper dressed in something Salt ‘N Pepa gave to the salvation army in the 90s. We’re meant to like this. We most definitely do not.

There is only one thing that is positive about San Marino’s entry, and that is Jessika. We most definitely like her. The reason being that she is a)not Valentina Monetta, who is of course very charming, but really did need a break and b)from Malta, and more Maltese in Eurovision is a personal cause of ours. Also, love that pantsuit.

We actually have a beef with San Marino as well, come to think of it. We mean, we all know that Eurovision songs sound better in Italian, right? And we all know they speak Italian in San Marino, right? So what’s the deal with singing a song composed by GERMANS with lyrics in ENGLISH? That is almost a crime in our book. For next year we suggest asking Ermal Meta to write the song. Seems he is writing songs for most Italian artists these days anyway, and we’re sure a little trip to the mountains will do him good. He should also sing the song while at it. Or how about Marco Mengoni?

Because it sure would be fun if San Marino won Eurovision a year. Another year, that is. Good luck fitting us all up on that mountain.

What do you mean this isn’t Mount Everest? I’ve never been so high above sea level in my entire life!

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