Forever is a long time, Belarus

Belarus makes three minutes feel like an eternity.

From what we understand ALEKSEEV is something of a superstar in quite a few Eastern European countries, and it stirred quite a controversy when he decided to compete in the Belarusian national final instead of his native Ukraine. Apparently the 11 other finalists threatened to withdraw from the final when they found out that ALEKSEEV had entered the competition, but we imagine President Lukashenko had words because they all showed up in the end.

Just like IVAN (the naked one with the wolves, remember?) ALEKSEEV writes his name in CAPITOL LETTERS. We assume this is done to make it abundantly clear that he is not just a regular superstar, but a SUPERSTAR. According to his bio he has turned 25, which we think qualifies to be described as a grown up man, yet in all his promo pictures he looks like a 16-year-old lesbian girl. Guess we’ll never understand those Russians’ weakness for being too heavy on the airbrushing.

As the 11 other finalists predicted ALEKSEEV walked all over them and won the right to represent Belarus with Forever. We have not spent time listening to the other songs in the national final, after all we do have a life, but we can imagine that either a) the quality was poor, b) the competition was rigged or c) ALEKSEEV is such a big star he would have won if only he showed up on stage and recited from Microsoft’s user terms conditions. Because Forever is not a good song, and we are pretty sure ALEKSEEV to his own great surprise most likely will crash and burn in the semi-final. Forever is dreary and pretentious; it’s poorly composed and has creepy lyrics. ALEKSEEV’s star quality and fame will not save him when faced with professional juries and televoters who have no idea who he is.

Perhaps this will become a well needed reality check and teach ALEKSEEV to exert better quality control in the future. If so we would love to see him back on the Eurovision stage for Belarus/Ukraine/Russia/“insert any given country”.

ALEKSEEV channelling a young k.d. lang. (photo credit:

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