It’s hard to love a song when it comes from a not so great country. Luckily, that’s not an issue with Poland this year:
Being firm believers in free speech, democracy and a girl’s right to a proper abortion when having mingled a bit too much in EuroClub, Poland is a country that gets us in a pickle. The last couple of years it’s been anything but nice over there, with the Polish government doing their best at killing every belief in Polish progress the other members of the European Union might have had. Meanwhile, we’ve been meeting a lot of very nice, talented, beautiful people who have the best sense of humor ever and they originate from that very same country. How is that even possible?
But for Eurovision 2018 Poland is not even trying, it seems. It’s like they gathered everything that was ever bad in Eurovision and made a Polish stew of it that looks grey and tastes like burnt flour and a couple of overcooked beetroots. Presenting all the annoying rhythms of previous Greek mistakes, the disastrous singing of former Irish boyband singers and all hair disasters of unmentionable Swedish songwriters all in one and it sounds a bit like a Dutch smurf hit from the 90s. We cannot even hear all this in one take, but have to pause several times during the YouTube clip. Note to self: make a survival plan for a certain semi final.
Somehow, we could have let this go more easily if it came from Malta or San Marino or Moldova or another country with a lot less inhabitants to choose from. But come on. This is Poland, for chrissake. They have almost 40 milion inhabitants and we already know at least a couple of those know how to sing. We mean, this is the country of Martin Fitch and Edyta Górniak and his royal highness Michał Szpak. How could they possibly even consider this Gromee thingy? Are we the only ones who didn’t get the joke?
According to Poland, they didn’t have anything to do with a series of unfortunate events back in the 1940s and anyone claiming otherwise should immediately be reported to the nearest country official Betcha they’re gonna deny this little tune sometime in May as well. But two certain someones will not keep shut. See you at the Lisbon embassy. But probably not in Warsaw 2019.