Hooray, our national final is soon ready to blow the roof off Oslo Spektrum. We think. Must admit we are not always super happy with Norway’s finals, but we actually think it is pretty good this year. And we’re not only saying that because we desperately want NRK to give us an accreditation for Lisbon. True story. We swear.
In fact, we’re mostly saying that because we were in the listening group that helped picked the songs for MGP this year, and if the result wasn’t good, who else to blame but…ourselves? NOT a blame game we like playing in GEE HQ. Also the listening group looked a bit like this:
Anyways, we are going on national radio tomorrow telling everyone how FABULOUS the forthcoming final is and it’s not just because 25 of our favorite men, including our idol Andreas, will show up onstage (not telling you more). Tune in on NRK P2 at 08.15 to hear all the other reasons why. Or, if you are not awake by then, read this:
Entry 1: Stella & Alexandra – «You Got Me»
Stella is FABULOUS. The song is really annoying and gets on your brain like a worm pulled out of Thomas G:Son’s anus. But, you know, Stella was so sweet back in her haba haba days – and still is. We also think she will look great on the stage. Not sure why she brought that blonde, but maybe it was for the sake of ethnic inclusion.
Entry 2: Aleksander Walmann – «Talk to the Hand»
So JOWST decided to split their group in the silent, masked guy and the fun, dancing guy and only apply the latter to MGP? We do approve. Aleksander Walman is FABULOUS. His entry is even more FABULOUS and we cannot wait to see how FABULOUS it will all look on stage.
Entry 3: Ida Maria – «Scandilove»
Ida Maria is a Norwegian artist famous for singing about how much better she likes us when we are naked. We’re not sure she really knows how different we look sans our spandexes, but of course a lady with that attitude is FABULOUS. All this Scandilove is a bit too shouty for us, though. And who believes in Scandinavian love these days, when the weather is so freezing we cannot even work up enough heat to swipe right on Tinder?
Entry 4: NICOLINE – «Light Me Up»
Well there must be a reason why this lady is FABULOUS as well. Just cannot think of it right now. Should have picked another theme for these reviews, probably.
Entry 5: Tom Hugo – «I Like I Like I Like»
We’re pretty sure we gave this a high score while trying to choose between all those 100 songs in the listening group. Must have been a reason for that. And of course it is FABULOUS that NRK listened to us.
Entry 6: Charla K – «Stop the Music»
This song was written by Per Roxette Gessle. And we thank the Swedish songwriter God it doesn’t sound anything like “The Look”. Also the fact that he doesn’t sing himself is FABULOUS.
Entry 7: Alejandro Fuentes – «Tengo Otra»
We quite like Alejandro Fuentes and quite hate Shakira, so that would make this song add up to zero. Also a bit sad that Alejandro mistakingly thought they spoke Spanish in Portugal. Then again, there’s the fact of the temperature here these days. Adding a little southern warmth to that is nothing short of FABULOUS.
Entry 8: Vidar Villa – «Moren din»
We picture this: Vidar Villa sits in the hottub at his afterski party in his cabin in Hemsedal and wants to write a song about something real and unique never heard of in Eurovision before. Enter his friend’s mother dressed in nothing. And he’s like: That’s the one! Ahem, epic fail! With kind regards, SunStroke Project. But FABULOUS that it is in Norwegian so no one else will notice if the Norwegians are stupid enough to vote this through, which wouldn’t surprise us a bit.
Entry 9: Rebecca – «Who We Are»
Ok, so we don’t like ballads. But we love Kjetil Mørland, right? And he is a FABULOUS song writer, right? And Rebecca is the perfect lady to prove this, right? Make no mistake, we think this specific ballad is FABULOUS!
Entry 10: Alexander Rybak – «That’s How You Write a Song»
So sorry, Alexander. That’s not how you write a song. But FABULOUS to see you again. And we’re sure you’ll finish this final in a most appropriate way!