Live blog from the jury final 2017!

Hurrah, after last nights’s glorious semi-final we are now ready to focus fully on the Grand Final. The day has been spent resting, getting our nails done and stuffing our faces with 1 kg of meat and 1/2 kg of cheese in a fabuoulus Georgian restaurant, before hitting the press center where we will be live blogging from the jury rehearsal. Keep hitting that refresh button for updates!

  • We are watching the dress rehearsal from the fan zone in the press center, since that’s where the best tv screen and sound is found. Guess EBU finally understood who cares about what they are doing during Eurovision week. Well done.
  • Israel seems to be chosen as the opening act. How much did Benjamin Netanyahu pay Mr. Björkman for that? We wonder why he doesn’t sing a Fairytale/Euphoria medley. IMRI should have a couple of more Redbulls before he goes on stage tomorrow.
  • Poland is one of the few remaining screaming brides in the competition. At least her screaming is on point.
  • The lovely Naviband from Belarus should consider cutting down on the Redbull consummation. We have some trouble understanding what they are singing about, but we get the feeling they are insisting that Belarus is a democracy?
  • Austria did a few very deep notes. Maybe he is trying to pull a Croatia? A bit late for that.
  • Armenia has a 2.5 minute long intro and a 30 seconds long song. We recommend they do it the other way around next year. Artsvik gets an honorable mention for being diva fab.
  • The dark haired OBGYN from Netherlands is the best diva of the evening. It is, however, kind of ironic that the least singalong friendly song of the evening is the one with lyrics as a backdrop. We noticed that the ladies had really pretty nails. Maybe they went to the same nail salon as us in downtown Kyiv.
  • Moldova is on fire on stage. But we find it a bit odd that the choir chicks are stiff as starch and can’t dance. Since we’ve been rehearsing that choreography all week on the dancefloor in Euroclub we’d be happy to step in last minute. The skirt of one of the singers did not fall down, as it was supposed to. We can relate. We would also keep our skirt up for those guys.
  • Joci from Hungary has now more gold on his outfit than Kanye West. He also did his best singing this week. Perfect timing! No reason to worry about being before Italy in the running order, Joci shines in his own right,
  • Italy had a bad start, but got better in the end. They should fix this for the final if they still want us in Torino in 2018. It’s really sweet of Francesco to lend his singers his angora sweaters. Kyiv might be a little cold for Italians after all.
  • Denmark is sandwiched between the two biggest favorites. Don’t they know Denmark only does open faced sandwiches? We’ll take one with pickled herring, thank you very much!
  • Portugal did a perfect performance. He said in the press conference he is so happy everyone can understand what his song is about even though they don’t understand the language. We agree. How many times have you seen a song in Eurovision about the need for wearing oversized jackets when you are in very cold countries?
  • First break now. The host made some Spanish people sing Nel Blu Dipinto di Blu. Guess even Spain knows their best chance of doing well this year is if they pretend they are Italians.
  • Azerbaijan is a horse head ahead of the others when it comes to staging.
  • Croatia’s performance has more cheese than a Georgian bread. We like both. We bet Mr. Putin is enjoying the rainbow appearing towards the end. He’s probably watching through a live satelite link provided by the EBU directly to Kremlin.
  • “It don’t come easy and it don’t come cheap”, says Australia’s Isaiah. Surely, he must have written that before coming to Kyiv. He did great, but we’re so sorry the kangaroos didn’t come out. Hope Australia submits a complaint and gets to sing again. WITH those.
  • There are two shirtless blokes on stage with Greece. We repeat two shirtless bloke. Once again we have to apologize for bad research before announcing our hotlist and leaving Greece out.
  • “Do it for your lover”, says Spain’s Manel. We had a chat with him about what he really meant by that. He said Norway is his lover and that the best thing he could do was to perform before them.
  • Five beautiful Ukrainian 20-year-old girls in the press center went ballistic as Norway was about to perform. Good. Now we know all the PR-work we’ve done for these guys in the cocktail bars and Georgian restaurants of Kyiv paid off.
  • JOWST did great! Hurrah, the juries will dig this!
  • We started to check our work email when the UK went on. Bad sign. Have the UK nicked San Marino’s stage prop from 2014? We guess BBC had some funding left to gild the pill.
  • Cyprus did his best singing this far and we now want to be his hard again. So glad he took our advice to take a song from Thomas G:Son and vocal lessons from Netherlands. Wouldn’t lean on him, though, as he doesn’t seem able to stand still for a second.
  • From the postcard, we see that Romania, like us, went shopping for embroidered linen in one of the many tourist shops of Kyiv. These guys have such chemistry we find it rather remarkable they are able to get through the whole song without having sexual intercourse.
  • We suspect a technical glitsch when Germany sang as it looked like the screens in the press center all of a sudden went black and white.
  • Ukraine also got to perform which is nice. They have politely agreed not to steal any of the guests’ thunder. We are getting too old for this noisy stuff.
  • Blanche from Belgium needs a hairbrush and a make-up artist. Most edgy performance of the night, Faith in Belgium restored!
  • We think Sweden’s Robin must have some kind of syndrome as he never, ever does a single mistake. He even manages to button his jacket on his own. Not normal, man.
  • We’ve heard that Bulgaria’s Kristian was offered to play the next lead role in the Norwegian tv series SKAM. It is about how 17 year old boys struggle with instant fame in the gay community after suddenly winning the Eurovision Song Contest over Italy and Portugal.
  • We’re a bit confused that Alma from France showed up on stage as we’ve seen on Snapchat that Amir has arrived in Kyiv. We thought she was only stepping in for him during rehearsals. We can’t understand why anyone would like to go to Paris when we’re in the metropolitan city of Kyiv. Alma mostly just stands on stage being in love with herself. We can recommend Instagram for that, much less hassle.

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