What we noticed in the dress rehearsal for semi final 2

– Can you see my fellow singer? She seems to be lost on stage somewhere! Pic by Andres Putting/EBU
Time to get ready for dress rehearsal for semi final 2. As you probably know, there are two of them following each other, and the last one of them is the jury final, which the jury votes are based on. However, that crashes with our very important party schedule, so we can only cover the first one. This is what we noticed:

  • The opening number tries to portray Ukrainian culture with the use of Alexander Rybak. Don’t they know he belongs to us? It’s not our problem they are stuck with Jamala over here.
  • Just kidding, we love the opening act!
  • …which is more than we can say about the first performance. By Serbia, of course.
  • Austria‘s Nathan Trent did not do his best singing. We specifically warned him against taking vocal lessons from Albania
  • We don’t think Macedonia should be allowed to sing for what must have been at least 10 minutes, when all others had to cut verses and whatnot to reach 3 minutes. Surely, Russia must be responsible.
  • We forgot to make a joke about Malta. What a pity.
  • We love absolutely everything about Romania except the song. We think maybe Russia is responsible for those cannons as they probably don’t like this yodeling any better than we do. Only wonder how they got it past security, as those security guys at the entrance just treated our perfume as a weapon of mass destruction.
  • The OBGYNs from The Netherlands did not perform any pap tests this time, but we have hopes for tomorrow.
  • We are happy that Hungary brought their milk bucket from Budapest. Joci seemed a bit nervous. We hereby volunteer to soothe his nerves between rehearsals.
  • Denmark listened to GEE’s advice and put her red dress back on. Good call.
  • We heard from secure sources that when Ireland doesn’t reach the final tomorrow, Brandon Murray will go all the way back to Ireland by that air balloon. Or at least die trying.
  • San Marino is singing about the spirit of the night. Maybe they also discovered you are not allowed to bring drinks on the dance floor in EuroClub.
  • Croatia‘s Jacques Houdek is singing a duet with himself. The narcissist selfie culture of social media entered the White House already, so it was only a matter before it hit the Eurovision stage.
  • Norway performed without a mask in the dress rehearsal. We now fear he might accidentally have revealed his identity to the collected journalists of Europe.
  • Contrary to our advice, Switzerland chose to continue performing as Chicken Kyiv. Brave choice.
  • Belarus are in a life boat, maybe in case Russia decides to show up anyway. They did great, though. Tomorrow is the only day during the year when you are allowed to love Belarus unconditionally, and we plan to make good use of it.
  • Bulgaria delivered some great singing. We’re sure there’s an open position as Justin Bieber’s backing singer.
  • Lithuania sings about revolution. Maybe she also visited The National History Museum in Kyiv and got inspired.
  • Can someone please tell the artists of Estonia a duet actually means singing together, not just accidentally be on stage at the same time?
  • Israel finishes this semi final. Which is all we have to say about that one.
  • Also, France, Germany and Ukraine performed. We have no further comment there.


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