What we noticed in the dress rehearsal for semi final 1

– Did you hear the GEE girls are finally in Kyiv? Do the happy dance! Pic by Thomas Hanses/EBU

Yay, we are officially installed in the press center, where great things have happened, aka the first dress rehearsal for the first semi final. We decided to ditch the jury final for this one as it crashes with the party of our dearly beloved Israel and a carefully planned meeting with a movie producer from Hollywood. But we’ll give you the highlights from the first one, as seen in the press center.

  • First problem encountered in the lovely city of Kyiv: You are not allowed to buy alcohol in the press center until after 6 pm. What kind of place is this? Don’t they know Norwegian journalists need alcohol to function properly?
  • There’s a very lovely guy in some sort of kaftan doing a rap in the beginning. We approve and consider revising our hotlist.
  • The final is hosted by Backstreet boys, Kyiv edition. No further comment.
  • Sweden‘s Robin managed to button his jacket. Swedish jacket buttoning experts, we salute thee. Also, Robin was rock steady as always.
  • After Robin‘s song, the press center lost tv reception. Guess the camera man took his song title a bit too literally.
  • Unfortunately, though, we had to go on to lobster lady from Georgia, telling a fairytale about terror just in time for tomorrow’s victory day in a certain country.
  • We think Australia‘s Isaiah did all right, but that’s when we were busy adjusting our computer to a different time zone. Enough said.
  • Albania added a veil to this year’s bridal contest. We’re sure it’s lovely, honey, but we’ll leave you at the altar. Also, you’re supposed to sing on key over here.
  • Belgium‘s Blanche switched from white to black dress. Good call, but does she also need to change her name to Nero now? Her singing was considerably better. According to an Icelandic journalist who prefers to remain anonymous, it is due to the Ukrainian vodka. спасибі.
  • Montenegro‘s Slavko is fabulous beyond explaining. There must have been more than vodka involved for that one.
  • Finland‘s Norma John did their angry bird thing. They are trying really hard to change our conception of Finland as a place with depressed people who cannot process colors, we reckon.
  • Azerbaijan has a skeleton and a centaur onstage. Guess budgets are considerably lower than former years.
  • Portugal‘s Salvador forgot to take off his accreditation badge before entering the stage. Maybe it contained his health information. We overheard an Italian journalist say “che bello” during this song. Look who’s out of a job when Salvador wins this thing.
  • The presenters asks us to show Demi from Greece some love. Eh, no thanks. Bring us Kostas Martakis. Now!
  • Poland‘s Kasia Mos has five puppies and just about hundred flashlights. If only she also had a decent song and a voice to go with.
  • SunStroke Project from Moldova are so goddamn amazing every time it’s almost boring to watch them rehearse. Almost, that is.
  • Iceland‘s Svala claims she can’t leave us. We fear that’s exactly what she might do tomorrow. Singing about paper isn’t a win when everyone is going digital.
  • Czech Republic’s Martina Bárta should go back to 1997, where she truly belongs. Safe journey and do bring that tinfoil suit.
  • CyprusHovig is rather dashing onstage as well, but we weren’t so impressed his performance, that was strongly off key. Maybe Thomas G:Son should do the vocals himself next time?
  • Time for Armenia. She is showcasing Indian Durga hands onstage. Guess Italy has a few comments about that.
  • Second time to Kyiv for Slovenia‘s Omar. And that will probably be the second time he doesn’t reach the final.
  • Latvia‘s Triana Park has a lot of close ups of their drummer during the performance. They must have read our hotlist. Also, they did good. We want them in the final now that Cyprus has to go.
  • Spain‘s Manel also got to perform. That is so unfair. We thought we only had to listen to this travesty once. He also stuck his tongue out? Excuse us, but there are actually grown-ups present in the audience. Behave, will you?
  • Also, UK performed
  • Italy‘s Francesco showed up with Cristiano Ronaldo’s hair style. Makes sense that he needed to go to Portugal for fashion advice. They don’t have so many football players in Italy.
  • Jamala still did a great performance. Can she go for the double, maybe?

That’s it for now. We’re off to find a winner of EuroClub now. Namaste Alé!

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