Yup, Ukraine Will Definitely Bomb This Year

We have a feeling Ukraine is not very keen on winning again for the second year running. We can’t think of any other plausible explanation for letting O.Torvald defend the title on home turf.

Ever since Ukraine’s debut they’ve been a perennial contender, ending up in the top 10 most years, and not just because of bloc voting and an eager diaspora strategically scattered across Europe. Killer tunes, excellent performers and a knack for staging their entries have served them well.

It makes us wonder if it’s just a coincidence or if someone is pulling the strings behind the scenes inside the national broadcaster since history seems to be repeating itself. On Ukrainian terms representing the host country is clearly no job for a woman. The last time Ukraine played host to the contest the all male rap group Green Jolly ended up with a bad result, but at least this was an entry that meant something special to the home public. Razom nas bahato was the unofficial anthem of the orange revolution and back in 2005 it just made sense. In 2017, the all male rock band O.Torvald on the other hand make no sense whatsoever. Unless Time is meant to be the unofficial anthem to an upcoming doomsday we are yet to become informed about.

We suppose the world is going mad nowadays, and with the current political situation we won’t blame the Ukrainians for carrying around a lot of rage. But for those who take it upon themselves to sing about it, we kindly request them to at least have the decency to sing in tune. Halfway through the song we’re so fed up with the off key singing, bad English pronunciation and meaningless posing we want to press forward on that timer they got on stage so they would just blow up and we’d be done with it.

And perhaps they can consider taking their scaremongering somewhere else than the Eurovision stage. If this is meant to be a song about ending conflicts and stopping violence they sure have a funny way of showing it. A grey dystopian staging with the band members placed on piles of crap is not exactly our understanding of family friendly entertainment. And WT actual F is up with that timer steadily counting down to zero? We’re nervous enough already, trying very hard not to think about what goes on in the eastern part of the country while we wobble around Kyiv on our way to Euroclub. It becomes too unpleasant, too unsettling and rather inappropriate for a host to throw this in the face of their guests.

– This IKEA sofa is almost as uncomfortable as the piles of crap we’re standing on when performing our Eurovision entry. Photo credit: Olga Tretyakova

Say Something