Israel Calling 2017 – Awards of the Evening

OMG, the Israelis sure know how to throw a great party, and yours truly were even cordially invited by the organizers of Israel Calling to join this year. Unfortunately there were things happening in our real lives that prevented us from jumping on that flight. But thank the Eurovision Gods for YouTube and our buddies over at ESCKAZ.com for streaming the whole thing for us to enjoy in the comfort of our own homes! Here are the GEE awards of the evening:

The award for least views on YouTube goes hands down to Slovenia’s Omar Naber. We assume it’s only lunatics like ourselves who are stupid enough to press play for the purpose of public service. You can all thank us later.

The class of 17 smiling happily together before it went off the rails and three students were sent home early because they were caught boozing, two other lost their passports, seven were mugged on the tube and the teacher had a sunstroke. Photo: Israel Calling Facebook page

Best live vocals of the night went to Jana Burčeska from FYR Macedonia. Her singing was so rock steady it actually created quite a buzz in various comment sections online on whether it was playback or not. She still has to work on her dance moves though. If you are to dance alone it becomes very visible if you dance worse than a naked ape. Just sayin’

Martina Bárta from the Czech Republic showed promising progress by upgrading her frock from beige to maroon AND adding sequins. The suggestive cutouts almost made her look like a hottie even. If this development continues she will show up on stage in Kyiv dressed like a parrot, with feathers and the whole shebang.

Hold on, it turns out Omar Naber has a worthy competitor in Malta in the race towards being the least popular entrant on YouTube this season. Claudia Faniello shouted out to the audience that she wanted everybody to sing along. Perhaps because she secretly wishes that someone else would do the dirty work for her?

Kristian Kostov proudly showing us his “I’m travelling alone” badge. Photo: Israel Calling Facebook page

Blanche from Belgium gets the prize for worst attempt at fake news this evening as she is still pretending to be Tutankamon. We all know that fellah is lying very still in Lisbon until the 1st of May. Let’s hope he does NOT come to Kyiv after that.

The prize for the most unfocused artist on stage goes to last night’s host IMRI from Israel. And yeah we get it, it’s a lot of work having people over, making sure everyone’s having a good time, remembering to top up their drinks and checking if there’s enough toilet paper in the loo, but seriously, IMRI needs to get his sh*t together before Kyiv.

In the less known technical award categories, the shut the f*ck up right now award was won by Brendan Murray from Ireland. We don’t won’t to sound mean here, but if you sing like a howling cat in the middle of the heat cycle you shouldn’t really enter a song competition.

Manel from Spain in a rare moment showing two fingers. Photo: Israel Calling Facebook page

Worst fashion moment: Moldova‘s SunstrokeProject showing up with a vocalist in Michael Jackson’s hat, EpicSaxGuy in the 2010 outfit and the violinist in whatever. This is an urgent matter that needs to be solved immediately. Can EBU please write a letter to Igor Dodon?

A honorable mention for best use of bed sheets went to Armenia’s Artsvik. We presume her checked in luggage never arrived in Tel Aviv in time so why not make a dress out of what is available in the hotel room. We are taking notes in case the same thing happens to us when we arrive in Kyiv.

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