OMG, there are so many fantastic things happening in the world right now. Like did you notice spring is coming? And Easter hollidays well on its way? And EUROVISION pre parties STARTED! We are officially over our winter blues now. And wasn’t that a glorious evening in London last night? We have a lot of awards to hand out:
Best impersonation of Tutankhamun: Belgium‘s Blanche. Standing completely still on stage in what appeared to be a waiter’s uniform in black and white. Three things urgently needed before May: a dress, choreography lessons and a wee bit charisma. Luckily the voice is rock steady and all set for Kyiv.
Best neglect of most obvious prop: Poland‘s Kasia Moś. We mean come on! If you absolutely need to sing about a flashlight, at least have the decency to bring it.
Most lazy performance: Austria‘s Nathan Tent, not even bothering to bring backup music, just making the audience clap his rythm pretending we were all some sort of jolly happy tensing choir. Bold move. Do not try in Kyiv.
Best Austrian onstage: Not the aforementioned Nathan, but the ever so glorious Conchita Wurst, of course. Is it too late for them to change artist?
Worst display of beige: Germany‘s Levina. Seriously. Wearing beige in Eurovision is even worse than politics. This is an urgent matter to be solved now. Can we have EBU write a letter to Angela Merkel immediately?
Worst message delivered onstage: Latvia‘s Triana Park, and their lead vocalist jumping the stage singing “Drunk is ok when you are not ok”. We assume she totally misunderstood the purpose of EuroClub and vodka shots. But at least she followed up with the song “Fuck”. Much more positive, we reckon. And that’s where we draw the line.
Best effort of the evening: Spain‘s Manel Navarro, managing to do a whole performance without giving the audience the finger. Well done, man. Keep it up.
Best move of the evening: Italy‘s Francesco Gabbani, making everyone sing “Nel blu, dipinto di blu”. If you cannot rely on an ape to keep you company, you can always rely on Domenico Modugno and Dean Martin, we guess.
Proudest moment: Norway‘s JOWST, actually showing up on stage. Yeah, yeah, we know, but showing up at the fan parties is not taken for granted in Norway. We are so happy JOWST are grabbing these moments and actually start to believe in these guys now. Which wasn’t taken for granted either, we guess.
Most promising moment: Montenegro‘s Slavko Kalezić, posting a picture of himself in tight-fit lace. We can’t wait to encounter that in EuroClub!
Worst oh-no-this-is-actually-true moment: Romania‘s Ilinca ft. Alex Florea showing up with their yodelling. And on top of that doing it really off key. OMFG, we can’t believe we have to live through this in Kyiv. Many times. Can someone please send them to Crimea though Russia before the semi-final?
Hugest disappointment: Sweden‘s Robin Bengtsson, not buttoning his jacket for the entire performance. Doesn’t he know that this is his thing? This is an urgent matter that needs to be solved. Can EBU please write a letter to the Swedish King and let him know?
Best moment of the whole weekend: That would be Italy‘s Francesco Gabbani, again, taking the time to go to Oxford to visit Desmond Morris, the professor who inspired his lyrics. What is this man made of? Dreams?