Denmark stuck at Dr. Phil’s

If we were to decide, these three people would never ever be let anywhere near Eurovision lyrics: a)Paolo Coelho, b)Rhonda Byrne and c)Dr. Phil. Yet they seem to have teamed up quite perfectly for Denmark’s entry this year:

Although it is actually quite incredible that these three minutes of screaming could lead our minds anywhere near self-help. Indeed it is very disturbing to us. Even so much so that, when preparing to review Denmark’s entry, we asked ourselves if it was possible to review an entire entry without ever switching the video off mute. But we figured it was a little rude. They are our neighbours in the south and all.

Reading up on the lyrics certainly gives us the chill here up north. It reminds us of that time in the 4th grade when our language teacher discovered yoga and we all had to look for inner peace for two whole weeks until she luckily came to her senses. There will be true colours showing, love held inside and guard being laid down. And sorry, honey, but “putting up my walls so that I’ll last better”?? Who taught you that? Jørn Utzon? We wouldn’t trust him for a nickel.

Taking a quick look at the stage backdrop also makes us wish we hadn’t. It looks a bit like a combination of a giant evil eye, that is supposed to protect you, and Big Brother, making sure there is nothing fishy going on. Not sure that will be a huge hit in Ukraine, so one can only hope for a few alterations. But Anja can bring her dress. We do love a lady in red.

Bracing ourselves while turning up the sound, this is what we noticed: It doesn’t matter where in the video you start, there is the same screaming all over. Kind of like Mariah Carey before she discovered intonation. The only welcomed part is the bridge, where Anja takes it down a notch, but just enough for us to reflect on the fact that we are stuck on the river Styx for yet another minute. And then there is a primal scream in the end. If Anja makes it to the final it will only be because we are all temporary deaf and can’t hear the rest of the songs.

In addition to Sporty Spice, Kurt Cobain and Levi’s 501s (bless them all) the 90s gave us two things: Self-help books and screaming ladies. We somehow managed to bury most traces of those, but then Ajna comes from a land down under and revives it all over. Now we both have to struggle with tinnitus and inner disturbance once again.

Thank you very much, Denmark. Stick to making furniture for a while longer, will you? Or have the decency to call Thomas G:son at least.

If Anja still wonders where she is, we can assure her that seems to be downtown Sydney – and advice her to get an Uber immediately in order to get to Kyiv in time.

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