10 reasons Julia Samoylova shouldn’t be allowed into Kyiv

Word was out earlier this month: Turns out Russian artist Julia Samoylova previously rolled her wheel chair into Crimea not only once, but several times.Totally not acceptable. And so the riots began. People posted online comments. Jon Ola Sand blabbered away about his political hangovers in the press like any regular American. The interest organization for the disabled supporters of the Russian annexation of Crimea loaded their kalashni…sorry, Facebook walls. And the Ukrainian bossypants drew up their paperwork, as if they never have done anything else in their life – which they probably haven’t, come to think of it.

Bottom line: Ukraine does not heartily welcome Julia in sunny Kyiv this spring. Here in GEE headquarters we fully support that. Hereby presenting 10 reasons why:

  1. This is one of those boring songs that go on and on without anyone really noticing. We fear the audience might actually think the show is over and go home when Julia starts singing.
  2. No key change, interesting bridge, pre chorus or actually melody whatsoever.
  3. In fact we were asked to separate this one from muzak in our Eurovision 2017 exam and were not able to.
  4. Julia sings about a flame that is burning. We all know this isn’t the Olympics, but Eurovision Song Contest (at least anyone who doesn’t read Russian newspapers know that, editor’s comment).
  5. We always hit the pause button half way through this one, looking all shocked at each other while asking: “Is this really Russia? What happened there?”
  6. There’s a lot of screaming. And not in a good way. Only in a “this is a Disney movie musical and I am playing the role of the troubled princess” kind of way.
  7. All songs that include lyrics such as “it shines so bright” should immediately be disqualified. And a flame is not shining, for crying out loud. We just established that it burns.
  8. We know too many people with disabilities that are great singers to cut this chick any slack. There’s no need for a wheel chair to present a lousy song either. Just ask Lithuania.
  9. We’re pretty sure the only reason this song was elected as a representative for Russia, was that Donald Trump helped rig the election. Do we want that guy anywhere near Eurovision?
  10. And we all know Russia can do better. So much better. The best. So why would they send their crap to Ukraine? (Or, hang on…)

Bring back Sergey The Climber now! And please make sure he never, ever goes to Crimea. Especially not in a wheelchair!

Spasiba in advance!

Oh, crap. There is a giant spotlight following me around. How do I get rid of it?


  1. Are you actually being serious?
    What is this tosh that you’ve written?

    She has a right to be there just any other singer who has been chosen and to violate the fact that she’s DISABLED as a reason that she shouldn’t be in the contest is called DISCRIMINATION.

    Shame on you.

    1. Take a chill pill, hon. No one’s saying her disabilities should prevent her from coming. Unless you count her song as a disability that is.

      (By the way people aren’t disabled. People are people, but some have disabilities. Put that on your discrimination radar)

  2. You should be disgusted with yourselves for this sham of an article. Its utterly disgusting and you must be absolutely vile people to write such a thing.

  3. Vile people is great, eheheh. I’ll never think of you two any other way from now on 😀

    By the way, another highly enjoyable review. I’m just not so sure Russia can do all that better, based on their eurovision evidence. Sergey was allright, all things considered (one can be generous now that he hasn’t won)., but this song sounds very similar to an endless string of sickening others Russia has graced this contest with before. At least I’m pretty sure there was light and bright and shine in more than a couple of them! Soo.. we might as well keep Yulia in, just for numbers you know?

    Oh dear. Just read back and now I’m here hoping I wasn’tt too disgusting for you and your readers? Cheers!! 😀

    1. You are never disgusting, hon! But vile is exactly what we aim for in Kiev. Seems Julia is out now. Can we hope for Segey, preferably also in a vile edition?

    1. We just meant Lithuania also has a lousy song this year – even without a wheelchair

  4. Such a pointless article. More than half of the points can be put together in just one: you don’t like the song. And while you have every right to not like it, there are many people who do like it and you should be ashamed to spit bile on everyone and everything like this.

  5. I normally enjoy your site, but I don’t think this piece is really working. It comes across as quite mean-spirited 🙁

  6. Hi girlies! It’s sad some readers couldn’t understand a little bit of humour among your lines. They’re preffering (defending) one of the opposite sides of the story and develop another level in a already conflitous relationship between Russia and Ukraine. Love love, peace peace and celebrate diversity (which starts when respect others’ opinion).

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