Yeah, MGP went as expected. Norway gathered a lot of hobgoblins onstage, let the only good artist down and voted for a rubbish song. We are utterly disappointed we won’t be packing our sami flags and sølje jewellery in May. But at least we had a great party with Elin and her wood, got rid of Kristian Valen early and can still count of Hungary’s Joci for some ethnic vibe in Kyiv (that is if he is not bullied to silence first, shame on you, Hungarians).
Nonetheless. We have some awards to hand out:
Best moves of the evening: Elin and Robin, jumping behind the bar in Oslo Plaza, shaking us a few cocktails before they jumped the stage. And to think what those guys could have done with a few litres of vodka a bit further east!
Best attempt of getting rid of all the other contestants so he himself could have a shot of reaching the gold final: Kristian Valen, creating a flood onstage and water breakage in the entire arena during the dress rehearsal. As if that could have saved him.
Best attempt of getting rid of the competition so he could take Kristian Valen to Kyiv anyway: Jan Fredrik Karlsen, making sure the technicians drowned Elin in smoke during the dress rehearsal. As if that would have stopped her.
Best surprise that wasn’t really a surprise: Johnny Logan, still wanting us to hold him. As we clearly would have done. In 1987.
Worst ignorance of the fact that this isn’t the FIFA World cup and they aren’t Jesse Matador: In Fusion. We were so exhausted after those three minutes we needed to run backstage and take a nap.
Best charmer of the evening: Robin The Woods, charming our 9-year-old associated jury member to bits. He now wants to bang very big drums instead of playing a quiet guitar. Thanks a lot, man. Much appreciated on a Sunday morning.
Most classy loser of the evening: Ulrikke, showing what a professional artist she is whilst staying behind in the arena to hang out with all her young fans. That gal is all smiles and charm and did a great job as well. Maybe Thomas G:Son can write her a song so she can return?
Most unclassy everything: Rune Rudberg. Quite possibly one of the worst entries in MGP history. He needs to make an official apology to the Norwegian audience for putting them through all that.
Worst comeback from 2016: Hungary’s and GEE’s very own sweetheart Freddie. Showing up on the screen as jury, voting for Jowst. Clearly he should take notice of what his real skills are and stick to singing and lifting his shirt up.
Best attempt at breaking EBU’s rules before Eurovision has even begun: NRK, hosting an election during the competition. Don’t they known we are not supposed to mix music and politics in Europe?
Most sincere admission of the day: That would be yours truly, hereby stating we miss Per Sundnes. A LOT! Man, those principles we lose as we grow older.
Worst oh-no-here-we-go-again moment: The Norwegian media, now writing several stories about how Norway can win in Kyiv if the European audience wants something modern. Please excuse us while we go for a walk and try to shake of the embarrassment.
Biggest challenge yet to come: That would be us again, searching for a suitable new citizenship. Currently considering Italy, Italy, Italy and Moldova. Oh, and Hungary, but we hear they are not so welcoming to strangers over there these days, so we might just skip it.
That was it. MGP is over, the people has spoken and we are yet again no big fans of democracy. Is there no way of saving our nation’s glory now? Well. We see three possible solutions: a)We bully San Marino into letting Elin & The Woods represent them instead. b)We host our own party in EuroClub, totally ignoring the votes of the Norwegian people, bringing both Elin & The Woods and The Hungry Hearts, Stockholm style or c)We host a new national final, for the sami population. It’s about time they get to chose their own contestant instead of saving our Oslo based asses every year only to be left behind in the end.
Good night, and good luck!