It is that time of the year again. Whilst most people are busy enjoying that Stockholm sun and figuring out who is going to win Melodifestivalen in Sweden, Norway is desperately seeking attention for our national final and our “MGP general” Jan Fredrik Karlsen is running around in the media telling everyone who he wants to win so he himself can have someone to drink vodka with in his hotel room in Kyiv.
Just like last year, it’s mostly a sob story for two Norwegian Eurovision fans, really. But we stand by our country in good times and in bad. So we’ll bring our 9 year old associated jury member and show up in Oslo spektrum. And if you are stil wondering who WE would like to shot vodka with in Kyiv’s Euro club, here’s our quick run-through in order of appearance:
One of those ever tiresome 20-somethings with way too much money to make music videos in Sri Lanka, totally forgetting that Justin Bieber had some good songs before he started doing any of that. And all she has is a drum machine, which we totally don’t want to take to Kyiv.
Celtic country. Two words we never want to see together again. And none of those should get a visa to Kyiv, not seperately and definitely not together
Norway’s proud version of grandpa Humpty Dumpty Heffalump with a hint of Bonnie Tyler. The last couple of years he has been famous for his sloppiness with the most disturbing pictures we have ever seen of naked people over 50. We can’t even imagine what he’ll do in Kyiv’s night clubs. RUN AWAY is putting it mildly.
We figure the 9-year old will approve of this one, so we’ll just keep our voice down for the sake of world peace. And let them stay in Oslo with him in May.
And that would be Jan Fredrik Karlsen’s favorite, so he’s been getting all the attention. Time to remind people this charming fellow is famous for two things: a)hating the press meticulously and b)firing guns around whenever it suits him. It’ll be Agnete gate all over again. With a hint of gunsmoke. Do we really want that in Kyiv? Us being everyone but Putin, that is?
This song reminds us of whatever they play when you are in a cheap tivoli, buckled up in a horrendous carousel that your kid lured you into being thrown around in the air in ways you couldn’t even imagine with no way of escaping or even hitting the mute button for the next three minutes. Oh, horror.
The only song with Norwegian lyrics, sung by an utterly charming woman with a somewhat contemporary sound. Not quite our cup of tea, but we won’t be totally embarassed in Kyiv either.
Have to admit we have had a thing for Åge Steen Nielsen ever since Wig Wam. If he glams this up a bit, we guess we can take him to Ukraine on tourist class.
Time to rant: It’s been a long time since our favorites were this clear in MGP. Elin Kåven is nothing but a fantastic artist and the song has a contemporary sound mixed with a modern take on the great sami joik. It reminds us of Niko Valkeapää, which is a pretty damn amazing thing, and there’s even a fabulous choir to match. We’re ready for goosebumps in Oslo spektrum and we’ll be so happy to raise our flags for these guys in Kyiv. The sami flags, that is. Watch out, Jon Ola!
Another cool singer that we’d love to have a vodka with. And she has a fabulous song writer too. Sadly, something still doesn’t feel quite right with this song. Maybe it is just the fact that we can’t get past that huff and puff.
That councludes it. Norway should be so happy we have a sami population to once again pull us out of this mess we are in. Next year we figure they should just host their own national final up there in the north, and we’ll make sure to apply for a change in ethnic background well in time for that.
Also, we need to talk about that Jan Fredrik Karlsen. But let’s save it for later. Now it is party time, and we never say no to that. Go Elin! And the whole forest that supports you!