Our line-up for 2017, part 1

We bet Angela just can't wait to serve these guys some free vodka.
We bet Angela just can’t wait to serve these guys some free vodka.

You might have noticed. Autumn goes really, really fast, and before you know it, there are no leaves left on the trees and it is Eurovision season all over again. We figure a lot of delegations have the same problem as we have at work, not managing to get everything done by Christmas. So just in case they wonder who to send to Kyiv next year, we decided to help them, presenting who WE would send if we were in their shoes – as we should be either way, come to think of it.

Here’s our fist bunch of people for Kyiv 2017. Stay tuned for more!

Romania: Romania is, as you might have noticed in deep…trouble. But there’s nothing that cannot be fixed with a modern count Dracula with a falsetto voice dressed in a patent leather and diamond cape. Time to bring back the one and only Nadia Comăneci of Eurovision: CEZAR!

SanMarino: Just days after Cyprus announced some baby face as their contestant for 2017, the great Minus One shows up again, reminding us they are still going strong with a fabulous new single. That’s what we call bad timing. But surely, someone could pay for this to represent SanMarino, right? Won’t you LOOK at that singer?

Turkey: Politics set far, FAR on the side, Turkey need to come back NOW. Period. We have been seriously low on düm tek tek the last couple of years and that is something to be deeply concerned about. We suggest bringing back Can Bonomo for a start. He should have a lot more to give. Just remember to bring your dancers, hon.

Italy: Wel, duh. That spot is saved for the king of Lazio, Milano, Sanremo and the rest of Italy, Marco Mengoni every year until he turns 50 or so. There has not been a better singer in this country since Luigi Tenco, and we do hope Marco is better taken care of. Also, Marco keeps releasing fabulous singles showing no less than a dozen different outfits per minute in the music videos, so he is all set for Kyiv that one. However, his producers need to meet the residual waste bin along with Ira Losco and the former fashion models of Azerbaijan. While it might work on Italian radio, you cannot take a talent and a face like that and stuff it in a horrible drum machine from the 90s, guys. It’s blasphemy. Hand Marco back his grand piano well in time for May, per favore.

Denmark: Denmark MUST be saved. Fast. And what better saviour than the truly magnificent Tim Schou? He’s all for making a new tomorrow, which is exactly what they need over there. Tim Schou is also super charming, super nice AND he knows how to sing. At least, that’s what other countries look for in their contestants, and it might be time for Denmark to watch and learn.

Germany: Not sure they shall come back, to be honest. There has been a lot of proofs of them not being able to find anything with quality among their 80 million people and counting, and that is one h.. of an accomplishment. But maybe Angela Merkel could fix it or something. After all, there might be some need of a few peace making processes along the way and she could be the new Hera Bjork.

No video, though, sorry.

0 Comment

  • Désirée

    Yey! I am so happy that Romania is back!
    I would love to see us winning Eurovision someday. I hope it’s going to happen during my life time. I hate being a pessimist, but I highly doubt that Romania will win Eurovision in the upcoming 10 years. It’s not because of the singers and songwriters, but because of the organizers of the Romanian selection.

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