Yeah, ok, we’re on week 2 now. Our therapist told us it is time to get out of that Post Eurovision Depression and start planning ahead. Like what should we wear in Ukraine? Can we rent an apartment over there with jacuzzi and tap vodka? And most importantly: Which artists should we bring? We saw a trend with returning artists this year, and that suited us perfectly as we have quite a few da capo wishes up our sleeve.
Here are our most wanted artists, in random order (apart from that first one, il nostro numero uno per sempre):
1. Marco Mengoni from Italy
In the GEE headquarters we might have the occasional fling, but there’s nothing to stop us from returning to Marco Mengoni like Elizabeth to her Mr. Darcy. He was a perfect Eurovision contestant, really, standing on that stage like he’d never done anything else in his life, singing an Italian ballad about life essentials with the greatest vibrato in history, sharply dressed in teal Ferragamo. Could you get closer to the Italian dream? Marco is now regularly filling large venues on his own, but he also said he would like to enter that Eurovision stage again. We keep putting him up there, but he deserves to be much more than someone’s stage backdrop, of course.
Winston Churchill once said all great men eventually returns to Eurovision. We are pretty sure he was referring to Marco Mengoni.
2. The Hungry Hearts from Norway
We all know who was the real winner of our Norways national MGP final this year. And so did The Hungry Hearts, who kept performing in Stockholm to the greatest applause of the evening. We mean, we are talking six fabulous lesbians in silver moon boots with disco balls on their heads singing about a space dog and walking along the streets of Moscow with their girlfriend. What’s not to love about that? And did we mention they have their own pussy dance? Man, we wish we were lesbians sometimes. But good thing our new MGP general Jan Fredrik bought some votes for Agnete, as we couldn’t afford to win Eurovision this year. Let’s call these girls back when the oil prices start to rise again. Der Untergang ist nicht jetzt.
3. Kostas Martakis and Ilias Kozas from Greece
The fact that Kostas Martakis didn’t win Euro Song in Greece in 2014 with a song written by the one and only Ilias Alcoholisfree Kozas is nothing but a crime. We cannot even for the sake of a glorious trampoline understand how the Greeks could pick the Freaky Fortune featuring Riskykidd balderdash over Kanenas De Me Stamata. We almost lost faith in makind. Our appeal is still awaiting judgement in the European Human Rights Court with Amal Clooney as our pro bono lawyer, but Ilias can leave that work to us. Instead, he should concentrate on writing a new song for Kostas and preferrably join him onstage, as these guys would easily become the best looking couple in Eurovisional history and must be the greatest invention to come out of Greece since giant marble statues.
4. Marcin Mrozinski/Martin Fitch from Poland/UK
Marcin can change his name and move to UK all he wants, he will still be our Polish sweetheart. We are really sorry on behalf of all of Oslo for not treating him rightfully while he was here. But we’re sure both Poland, UK and most others would love for this charmer to represent them and we really need him back in that EuroClub. Also, he has a surprisingly strong voice. Maybe Thomas G:Son can write him a rock song?
5. Helena Paparizou from Greece/Sweden
Homer once said you should never underestimate the power of the beautiful Helena. We couldn’t agree more. Seeing Helena Paparizou both as a Eurovisional prejudge loving everybody (but Amir the most) on Swedish tv this year and then seeing her perform in EuroClub, made us remember there is no one like her We think she should represent Sweden this time, as clearly they need some energy after that 16-year-old, anemic whisperer. Go Helena! You are our number one Greek goddess!
6. Amir from France
If you didn’t notice Amir was our favorite aquiantance this year, you did not read our blog, and we’re sorry to say you missed out on a lot. Amir is the kind of person to make everybody around him happy. At least we cannot stop smiling when he’s around, which should be always. Napoleon Bonaparte once said there is only one man who can win this for France. We are pretty sure he was referring to Amir. Sans Waterloo.
7. Daniel Testa from Malta
Even though we quite liked Firelight, we were so sorry Daniel Testa and his fabulous Southville Dancers didn’t win the Maltese Eurovision final the first time he participated with the perfect song One Last Ride. Then he keeps on being robbed of representing that glorious Meditteranean rock every year by people older and stronger, but not at all better, than him, which brings out the mother instinct in us. Now that Ira Losco said she will go back a third time, we are seriously concerned, but we have to admit Daniel needs a better song than this year, so we are in the process of finding him a great song writer. We even spoke to Thomas G:Son about that, and he didn’t seem all negative, so you know who to call, Daniel. Beg for your life. Or ours, at least.