Yay, that was a fabulous first semi-final last night. We had the Hungarian, Cypriot and Dutch flag, and we didn’t get rid of any, so there’s still a lot of ironing work for Saturday, which we’ll happily do.
Here be our awards of the evening:
Best effort made on stage since Joy Fleming: Hungary’s Freddie, doing a fantastic job all over his entrecote. We find it is a much better idea to build up your entry with your voice than climbing around in the props like Bob the Builder, Moscow edition.
Best corruptive behaviour: Azerbaijan, who clearly must have paid off half of Europe to vote for a singer who can’t sing and a pyro that won’t stop. Now we know what the free telephone cards we got in the press center were for. We’ll go back to free booze next year, please.
Best hidden waiving: Moldova’s astronaut, hiding on stage in the beginning and wawing to the lucky few who actually spotted him. Which included us, of course, dying to see those sommersaults.
Best sound of silence: The crowd going ballistic, cheering for our favorite Dutchman Douwe Bob when he slowed down a little during his singing.
Most ambitious artists: Minus One, suggesting Cyprus could name an airport after them. We can’t wait to be welcomed to Minus One international airport of Ayia Napa in May next year.
Most failed attempt at looking like Adele: Cyprus’ Francois, sporting just a tiny tad too much eye liner for his own good, and that only works on the aforementioned UK diva. We’d rather see him in a bathing suit.
Most underwhelming performance: France’s Amir, not even bothering to sing, just showing us a video of himself. We could have gotten that on Snapchat.
Best “oh good, we finally got rid of her” moment: Finland. Now go back to being depressed, drunk and interesting in Helsinki, please.
Worst “oh no, we did not get rid of her” moment: Austria. Now that the Montenegro blokes have some time on their hand, they should take her for a spin around their part of town to wipe that sweet grin off her face and replace it with that Brigitte Bardot f* you look.
Biggest disappointment: Greece not making it to the final. Now Freddie has to take his shirt off on stage instead of that dishy dancer, just to insert some justice into this world. Come on, shower boy, you can do it.
Best Norwegian performance: The Hungry Hearts, performing Laika in EuroClub. Currently writing EBU to see if we could switch entry, as these gals both know how to show up and has a fabulous song!