First impressions from the first dress rehearsal of the second semi final

ukraine ebu andres putting
– No, no, no, Andres Putting, don’t come any closer! Pic by EBU/Andres Putting

Yay, we remembered there were 18 more songs to go and just saw the first dress rehearsal for the second semi final. It is also brewing up to be a great show, of course. The undisputable highlight being our favourite Schlagerboys appearing on the big screen, driving around in a taxi, which we’ve heard is shady business in Stockholm. This is what else to expect:

01 Latvia Justs Heartbeat

Has shown a vast selection of leather jackets, so it is a bit disappointing that he chose the black one for the stage. Maybe he should borrow Poland’s stylist? Other than that, douze points for effort. Will be in the run for best performance in the final together with Hungary’s Freddie.

02 Poland Michał Szpak Color Of Your Life

After the Bosnia & Herzegovina disaster in the first semi final, we are happy there is at least half a cello left for Poland. Michal wants people to sing along, and we can now reveal why you know that melody so easily: it echoes the riff of “I will survive”, which is a message we keep repeating to ourselves every morning these days. Clever little thing that Captain Jack Sparrow.

poland ebu olena omenlyanchuk
– Better keep in shape to keep up with those busy Good Evening Europe girls! Pic by EBU/Olena Omenlyanchuck

03 Switzerland Rykka The Last Of Our Kind

Switzerland seemed to be on fire in the beginning as we could have sworn to have seen smoke coming out of her bum. That’s not for the faint hearted and please bare in mind that Cyprus almost had a heart attack already. She constantly acts as if she has to pee. We recommended cranberry juice for that.

04 Israel Hovi Star Made Of Stars

Ok, ok, OKAY, Hovi Star is a real good singer. And the song writer is Doron Medalie, who also wrote Golden Boy and Harel Skaat’s tune in Oslo and, not the least, hosted a fabulous party for us a couple of days ago. So that’s all good now.

05 Belarus IVAN Help You Fly

So, while the Dutch singer runs around getting new tattoos, the Belarusian paints his face with Tipp-ex. No wonder he needed a few fashion tips from us, which is why he now wears his hair in a manbun. He finishes his entry with the Ally McBeal baby. Oogachacka!

06 Serbia Sanja Vučić ZAA Goodbye (Shelter)

While Armenia got a certain word of warning for waiving a flag in the green room, Serbia regularly throws a fit on stage. We can’t wait for THAT press conference.

07 Ireland Nicky Byrne Sunlight

We decided to host a giveaway on our blog. Whoever has the best application, will get two free vocal classes prior to the semi-final. Ireland is currently in the lead. Another thing for him to learn: the Irish have skin prone to sunburn. They shall not stand forever in the sun.

08 F.Y.R. Macedonia Kaliopi Dona

Keeps screaming for donuts. Which totally makes sense as she already gave away all of her own in the press center the other day.

09 Lithuania Donny Montell I’ve Been Waiting for This Night

The led floor this guy walks on keeps turning into ice wherever he walks. And ice cold would be the state of our minds during this performance. We are so sick of Zöe the Austrian playing every night in EuroClub. But then we realized it could be this one instead and we almost began to love Zöe.

10 Australia Dami Im Sound Of Silence

Australia boasts pictures of a BIG metropolis and sings about love in FaceTime. There shall be no doubt about the fact that this is a MODERN country. Not a kangaroo or possum in sight. Such disappointment.

11 Slovenia ManuElla Blue And Red

Slovenia is dressed in black and white, which is a weird choice for someone singing about blue and red. Also there is a guy without his shirt on, so it looks like he took over that job from Greece. She sings that she is not our song. Such a relief for Agnete, that.

12 Bulgaria Poli Genova If Love Was A Crime

Bulgaria shows up in a fluorescent outfit that easily could have secured her a job in the Stockholm Public Roads Administration. She made some changes to her song’s riff that we do not approve of at all. Still, Poli Genova is one of our favourite ladies this year, and we’re sure she’ll reach the final easily enough.

13 Denmark Lighthouse X Soldiers Of Love

Apparently one of the guys in the band spent years in Trysil in Norway working as a ski instructor, which is pretty much comparable to sending us to Denmark to make Arne Jacobsen chairs. We dare not to think about how many broken bones he must have on his conscience.

14 Ukraine Jamala 1944

Biggest goosebump moment of the evening. If Jamala doesn’t scare the living daylights out of Putin with her wailing, then nothing will. We are adapting the very same tactic when we have our next salary negotiation at work.

15 Norway Agnete Icebreaker

We are thoroughly disappointed over the lack of a bigass ship on stage. What a missed opportunity for the Norwegian Shipowners’ Association, but we guess the song’s message is meant on a more metaphorical level. In that case a friendly advice to Agnete if she struggles to break the ice, just do as we do, get hammered on Turkish Pepper shots and ramble away.

16 Georgia Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz Midnight Gold

We struggled with double vision during this one and regretted all those late nights at Euroclub.

georgia bus
– Where are we going, again? pic nicked on Facebook

17 Albania Eneda Tarifa Fairytale

Foxy lady with a great voice in a diva fab frock, in desperate need of a decent song to sing.

18 Belgium Laura Tesoro What’s The Pressure

Guess nobody expected the Belgian inquisition this year, but here it is, all drowned in sequins. We think her message is that you can have all the fun in the world without drinking. Which is total balderdash of course. At least all the Christian youth camps across Europe will fight over booking Laura as their main headliner this summer.

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