Yay, we are finally in Stockholm, and rehearsals are well on their way. Here’s what we have noticed so far.
First things first: there is a lot of LED and lightning madness on stage this year. Question of the day: Which artist will have the first epileptic seizure in front of 200 million viewers?
Poland showed up in a silver leather vest and Georgia made their pedal board out of plasticine. Let’s take a minute to let that fully sink in.
On the not-so-proper-use-of-props side: We’re kind of surprised aby the fact that Jüri Pootsman felt a sudden need for wearing glasses. Guess that’s what happens when you enter a stage with massive lightning all the time. Seems to have a hard time reading what’s on his playing cards too. What do you know, in a few years he might return to this contest as the next big Stevie Wonder.
Nina from Croatia showed up in what seemed like the scrap pile from last year’s gardening work. Good thing she has a dress from the Ex Machina movie underneath:
Belarus appeared naked with wolves. Too bad it was only LED projection. Learn from Montenegro and send the real thing for the final. Also, we think IVAN will look really good in a man bun. Think of Jared Leto. If he was ever mentioned in Belarus.
Clearly Armenia mixed up a few major international competitions, as their leading lady keeps showing up in swimming suits. Somewhere in the world we see a woman struggling to swim 100 meters butterfly in a ball gown meant for projecting LED lightning. We feel so sorry for her.
Norway showed up, which was a lot more than expected. Didn’t get a new dress, which was as expected. And did a great job, which highly exceeded our expectations. Now, let’s hope to see her up and running for Thursday.
Douwe Bob is also doing real good. But we don’t see why he has this giant microphone stand. It looks like a microphone for the physically disabled. And to think THEY started using wireless mics ages ago. Also, Douwe both invited the under age Frans to his bar and took a skinny dip. We should remind him that the Swedes take their rules a wee bit more seriously than the Dutch. And let’s keep him out of jail until he has won Eurovision.
Speaking of cages, Cyprus keeps talking about those. What they should be talking about is the fact that they did a terrific job and that their singer is back to looking…sorry, singing like a greek God. We now think they will do really good. Best improvement this far.
Previous to this contest, fans across Europe were all saying that France would fuck up their live performance as they do every year. That’s why we were happy to se that France…fucked up their live performance as they do every year. After all, we know how depressed fans get when they are wrong. Still, we are kind of content, though. Amir got rid of his spaghetti arms and he looks really good bending over:
We are starting to like Ireland in spite of the fact that he showed up in a patckwork leather jacket our mums would have died for in the 80s and did a terrible job in addition. This could only mean two things: 1. We are going into the inevitable Eurovision mood where we love everybody in spite of previous statements or 2. We became 20 somethings again, just in time for Euro Club opening their doors.
We figure it must be the latter, as we still don’t like Denmark. Best thing said about them: Oscar on SVT, comparing them to a mix of One Direction and Olsen Brothers. Our thoughts exactly. Only wish we would have been the ones to say them.
Outside the arena, one of the big scandals is that Måns slept with a beautiful woman, who definitely kissed and told at the right time. We have no trouble understanding he seized the opportunity. The real scandalous part, however, is that he allegedly admitted to watching Paradise Hotel, the worst reality show in Sweden. Let’s keep him at Eurovosion.
Stay tuned for more updates as we are heading directly for the press centre for more gossip and then straight to the opening of Douwe Bob’s bar. Is it a bourbon fata morgana or can we actually get a decent Manhattan? Reamins to be answered! Follow Guri’s user guriiv on Snapchat for live updates!