You are alone, UK

There are a lot of things we simply don’t get about UK’s participation in Eurovision over the past few years. Like how the BBC insists on sending the LEAST experienced artists they could possibly manage to pick up from a pool of talent show rejects. Or alternatively, some random geriatric hasbeen they almost have to wheelchair on stage. Finding some sort of middle ground here would probably been perfectly acceptable, and could not by any means have done any worse.

It is simply so sad that the ESC has developed such a bad reputation in what’s supposed to be the kingdom of pop music. By the look of it, any artist with even the smallest pinch of integrity shies away from it like it was the black plague. Out of an incredibly poor selection this year the duo Joe and Jake emerged, and apart from sounding like it’s a hip new smoothie bar branch there’s absolutely nothing interesting to say about them.

We’re sure Joe and Jake are a couple of nice chaps, being totally overwhelmed and exited about the task that has been bestowed upon them by the British public. They will without a doubt do their very best in Stockholm, but unfortunately for them, their broadcaster BBC is doing a rubbish job in giving them the best possible conditions for them to succeed. This newly formed duo is clearly a couple of green amateurs in desperate need of a professional wrapping which BBC so obviously fails to provide them with.

Leading up to the contest in Stockholm, we see no signs of any decent promotion efforts, clever marketing strategies or the expected level of professionalism from the team around Joe and Jake. Like how out of all the 42 competing acts this year; the UK has by far the poorest promo pictures posted on the artists’ bio page on Eurovision.tv. A minor detail one might think, but to us it’s just so telling of how completely lackluster their entry is being treated. The same goes with the concept for the staging where BBC have asked people to send in selfies to appear on the backdrop of Joe and Jake’s performance in Stockholm. Which is EXACTLY the same thing Malta did two years ago. We should know as we joined forces with Marco Mengoni and had Firelight’s back in 2014; here’s the picture to prove it.

So the best of luck to Joe and Jake with their self coined anthemic song. God, we hate that label. And when was the last time a so called anthemic song won Eurovision? Oh, that’s right, it was the last time the UK won, but that’s almost 20 freaking years ago. Get over it and move on.

uk joe and jake
Joe and Jake, being miserable as f**k, maroon edition.

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