We Scandinavians should always stick together and support each other as tiny, peaceful nations in a world of hungry pitbulls. But the Danes make that very hard sometimes:
As Norwegians we are meant to have some sort of (post)colonial relationship to Denmark, looking up to them as our metropolitan connection to the world, the ones who provide us with fresh ideas, teach us how to behave and set the standard we should all try to reach, whether we want to or not.
That’s all a bunch of crap, of course. In music, we haven’t heard anything interesting from our once so hovering mother country since Michael Learns to Rock, and now we cannot for the sake of our decent upbringing understand why we listened to that either. In Eurovision, we did have a tiny flirt with Welding Tomas and a major crush on A Friend in London, but apart from that, the Danes haven’t come up with anything since Birthe Kjær (ok, MAYBE Olsen Brothers, if you ask us on a good day).
This year’s Lighthouse X feels like a joke made to demonstrate how much Denmark does not care about Eurovision and does not master the art of boybands. If only that was the case. Who knew it was even possible to sing about soldiers of love and actually be dead serious?
Enter three guys we didn’t even bother to Google, standing on their own seperate places onstage with absolutely zero chemistry, waiting for their turn to sing without even noticing what’s going on around them. They are wearing leather like the rest of Europe, and there’s not much personality to find in other areas either. Maybe the fact that one of the vocalist likes to stand on the stage and lift his knees like he was in some work out video for people over 60, but then again, that doesn’t really do it for us.
Could be just us getting old and grumpy, of course, so we decided to check with our 8 year old jury member, who listens to bands like The Vamps from time to time and should be more up to date on the boyband scene. He spent excactly 30 seconds on this before judging it to pieces and going back to his room to listen to Hungary’s Freddie for the gazzillionth time. No comfort there whatsoever.
The guys in Lighthouse X claim they want to make the world a better place through their music. May we just call them on an epic fail there? If the Danes insist on sending boybands to Eurovision, they should at least call Tim Schou. After all, he is capable of both gathering a decent bunch of people and delievering a great song like he means business, which seems to be a rare skill over there.
On the other hand, we guess it is time for a realization: Denmark will never be close to doing with music what they do with film, architecture and design. Dear Mr. Jon Ola Sand, we hereby promote a request, aimed at maintaining our good, Scandinavian relationship:
Let Denmark send a dining chair to Eurovision next time!