Not again, Baku


There was a time when our thoughts about Azerbaijan were genuine. They weren’t always that nice, but you know, they were genuine. The real thing. Filled with passion. Defined by human rights, male attention and free booze. All that stuff that makes a review heartfelt. But oh, those days are gone, and now we are tired.

The country by the Kaspian sea has so much going for it, really. The willingness to do good. The willingness to make people homeless to good, even. 50 000 Maltese ready to vote for them anytime just for the sake of a free beer. 300 cognac bottles to pay off the press. Half of Russia and Norwegian oil money in their back pocket. The president’s private plane to take them wherever they want to go. So why the heck are they choosing to go nowhere?

We were actually starting to believe in Azerbaijan after their very decent ballad last year, but it seems we’re now back to minus twelwe. Elnur’s song is as boring as the unpaired socks you pick out from your washing machine.

We did receive some exclusive rumors about this song from a very reliable source. First of all, we were told the lyrics are a collection of leftovers from an afterparty for retired boyband singers. We think the president handled this nicely by making sure that no one who understands English were able to vote during the national selection process.

Also, we heard Azer are sure they are going to win this year. This makes us wonder about two things: 1. What is the stock price for votes this year and did we hit or miss it? And 2. Is it too late to pay more for Italy?

Another interesting fact is that Elnur used to work as a vampire. This should explain why he isn’t able to sleep at night and why he chooses to be surrounded by a half naked man on stage. Of this we certainly do approve. More of that for next year, please.

Of the rest, we say goodnight, and thank you. For making us able to sleep, at least.

“…and to my left I will soon have Anastasia Steele”

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