Malta, we have a problem

We have paid close attention to the Maltese in Eurovision the past couple of years. We’re not sure what actually spurred our interest, but we guess it’s because this tiny Mediterranean rock are populated by so many kind, friendly and wonderful people who are just as crazy about Eurovision as we are. And the weather’s a lot nicer in Valletta than in Oslo, especially during the national finals’ season. We have simply adopted Malta as our second home country in ESC and had our bank accounts been bigger we would have probably applied for citizenship already.

So when the Maltese decided to kill two birds with one stone and host their national final one week after the JESC final back in November we threw ourselves over our laptops in search for something suitable to cheer for in Vienna. It quickly became pretty obvious to us that having two national finals merely eight months apart was not the best of ideas in terms of giving all the good people within the rather tiny music industry on the island enough time to produce new Eurovision worthy material. It seemed like 20 songs that didn’t make the cut for MESC 2014 suddenly were pulled out from the drawer and deemed good enough for MESC 2015. With the nuns thrown in for good measure. As usual many of the same artists competed, but with poorer songs. Like the super talented Daniel Testa. We desperately want to see him on the big stage in the international final, and mark our words that day will come, but in retrospect we’re glad it didn’t happen this time around since he didn’t have the right song.

Out if a mediocre and dull field, Amber emerged and clocked in her first victory after five consecutive attempts. It makes us wonder what was being rewarded here. Her effort? Her tenaciousness? Amber seems like a genuinely likeable girl, she’s talented and we applaud her for working hard to achieve her goals. But this is as far as we can stretch our praise; because we genuinely and wholeheartedly can’t stand the song she ended up winning with.

We didn’t like it back in November and after the revamp it went from bad to worse. To us it just sounds like three minutes of overproduced noise, with Amber screaming on top of it. Amber can try all she wants, but she will never be fit to enter the role of the fierce kickass warrior. And why should she? Give this girl a soft and tender love ballad, and she might have scored better, as we think she was far better off with Because I have You in MESC 2014, which seemed to go well with her vocal range and her personality. So as far as we’re concerned Warrior is a rubbish song performed by the wrong artist and we find it very likely it will cause the Maltese to miss out on making the final this year.

We apologize to all our Maltese friends, but you won’t have our support in Vienna. We’re not breaking up with you; after all we’re not that shallow. Let’s just say we’re on a one year break.

Amber shies away from the scorching Maltese sun to maintain her delicate porcelain complexion. Or it might just be the photographer’s new camera on the day of the photo shoot making her look like a living corpse.




  1. I think this is the first review of Malta that I read which doesn’t have any reference to Georgia included. So, the universe chose me to bring that up here. 🙂
    I just hope that Nina won’t choose to recreate the atmosphere from her music video in the green room when the Maltese delegation will show up.

    1. Haha, we did reference Malta in our review of Georgia so we tried not overdoing it. Somehow we get the feeling that Nina and Amber won’t be in the same greenroom, as one of them will make the final and the other one will go home.

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