Ok, we admit it. We haven given Greece a good bashing more than once on this blog when they have showed up for the millionth time with the mandatory bouzouki pop number, half-decently sung by a petit, perfectly shaped babe in a glittery frock the size of a tea towel, or a dashingly handsome Greek God, wearing a slimfit t-shirt two sizes too small. Added some relatively advanced choreography, including an intricate rope sequence and a couple of lifts elevating said babe in the air and a couple of OPA’s thrown in for good measure.
We have asked for something different, we have questioned the Hellenic ability to provide us with something of greater substance, we have claimed to having grown tired of the worn out formula. And finally it seems like they have managed to break loose, selecting a big full-blown ballad. We hate to sound ungrateful here, but yikes, WE WISH THEY HADN’T BOTHERED!
We miss the old stuff; Eurovision isn’t the same without it. Europe needs those carefree party stompers. We want to be reminded of our holidays on some random Greek island, boozing on ouzo and dancing the night away into the wee hours while soaking in the sun on a sandy beach trying to cure our hangovers the day after. A wailing woman, sounding like she’s about to drop dead any second simply does not fit into this equation. Maria Elena Kyriakou does not evoke one happy memory or stir up something even remotely resembling a warm, fuzzy feeling. She makes us feel depressed and hostile, she’s reminding us of how we feel when we check our account balance returning back home from our happy holiday in the sun.
We have given Maria Elena a fair chance trying to feel her pain and understand her melodrama, but we wish she would have just taken her asthma medicine and got on with it. And sacked the writes behind those lyrics. Please help us; we cannot stand to listen to it! Isn’t there some kind of minimum quality control one has to pass to earn the right to perform in front of some 150 million TV viewers? We can almost feel our brain cells die while listening. And it does not exactly help knowing that this tripe was selected over the delightfully sassy Thomai Apergi, and the fact that the Greeks keep on preventing us from getting to meet the unbelievably dishy Kostas Martakis. We don’t know what’s wrong with this great Eurovision nation nowadays, perhaps they’re just being mean, as we don’t think they can be that stupid.
We cannot see how this can qualify for the final. If there’s some justice in this world we hope to God it doesn’t. Not even a trampoline on stage can save this from crashing. Although that would have been kinda fun. The lady and the trampoline. All right we’ll shut up now. We just wish Maria Elena would do the same.